Breaking Brad: A Gordon Lightfoot-for-Miley Cyrus swap! - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, February 20, 2014 at 10:55 am / Updated at 12:14 pm
Breaking Brad: A Gordon Lightfoot-for-Miley Cyrus swap!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* A single ticket won Wednesday's $425 million Powerball jackpot drawing. The winner will receive a ceremonial 8-foot-by-12-foot check. We should use those huge checks to pay our MUD bills this winter.

* The winning lottery ticket was sold in Central California. Say, President Obama was just in Central California; it sounds like maybe he's come up with a way to fund Obamacare.

* Omaha's caught in a cycle of cold weather followed by warm weather, then cold and then warm. I have a new hobby: I stand in the middle of the street and watch potholes form before my eyes.

* Initially, the weather forecasters called for 1-3 inches of snow Thursday. That was changed to 3-5 inches. Then, the time frame was pushed back several hours. There's a new saying, "If you don't like the weather forecast in Nebraska, wait five minutes and it'll change."

* During the demolition and construction of the Crossroads Village, the Barnes and Noble store would have to close or relocate. This will pretty much leave the metro area with hundreds of thousands of people and two bookstores.

* Gordon Lightfoot will play the Holland Center on March 20. Grandparents, make a deal with the kids: You will take 'em to see Miley Cyrus, but they have to go to Gordon Lightfoot with you.

* According to TeamRankings.com, there's a 0.0398-percent chance the Husker men's basketball team makes the Final Four. Coincidentally, those are the same odds of my NCAA Tourney bracket beating The World-Herald librarian's bracket.

* A new "Robocop" movie is out. I'm beginning to think filmmakers are running out of fresh ideas. In this one, he fights Rocky.

* President Obama is in Mexico for the North American Leaders' Summit. Acrimony in Washington, D.C., is so bad, Republican leaders told him, "Have a good time in Mexico and drink lots of water."

* Michelle Obama gave some advice to Justin Bieber's parents on ABC. Let's hope the administration doesn't take on trying to fix Bieber. You think revamping the health-care system is challenging...

* If the Obamas can fix Bieber, peace in the Middle East should be a piece of cake.

* Columbus, Ohio, and Las Vegas are vying for the 2016 GOP convention. In Las Vegas, Republicans risk being linked to gambling and prostitution, but in Columbus, they'd be linked to something worse: the Ohio State football program.

* Columbus, Ohio, is a front-runner to host the 2016 GOP convention. The big concern is that Urban Meyer steps in front of the Republicans' choice and shouts: "I'll do it! I'll run for president!"

* Sen. Rand Paul said that unless Republicans adapt, Texas could become a blue state. I always thought that by the time Texas ever became a blue state, pigs would fly past the Capitol rotunda.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

More Nebraskans are electing to vote early
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Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
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Iowa State servers hacked, nearly 30,000 SSNs at risk
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Spring corn planting still sputters in Nebraska, Iowa, other key states
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
19-year-old killed in one-vehicle crash at 72nd & Shirley
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
U.S. Senate race: State Auditor Mike Foley defends Shane Osborn against ad campaign
Public defender to represent Nikko Jenkins in sentencing
Mid-America Center on track for lower operating loss
Bluffs City Council approves dozens of new numbered street lights
National Law Enforcement Memorial Week set for May
Ted Cruz backs Pete Ricketts' campaign for governor
Omahan charged with 5th-offense DUI after street race causes rollover
2 blocks of Grover Street closed
Safety board report blames pilot error in 2013 crash that killed UNO student, passenger
Omaha man accused in shooting ordered held on $75,000 bail
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COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
Breaking Brad: Even Chuck Hassebrook's throwing mud!
The Nebraska campaigns have turned so ugly, Democrat Chuck Hassebrook lobbed unfounded accusations at an imaginary opponent.
Breaking Brad: Kraft wiener recall is business opportunity for TD Ameritrade Park
Instead of returning the wieners, TD Ameritrade Park is calling them "cheese dogs" and charging double.
Breaking Brad: Photos with the Easter Bunny are so 2010
In a sign of the times, most kids ran out of patience waiting for a photo with the Easter Bunny at the mall, just snapped a selfie and went home.
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