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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* Americans are being urged not to travel to Kiev. Great, we may as well cancel spring break.
* There was a brief whiteout Thursday morning along the Interstate 80 corridor in Nebraska. Visibility was so bad, for the first time in a decade, the state patrol missed an out-of-state vehicle hauling marijuana.
* After Thursday morning's snow, it's slick in spots. On the Dodge Expressway, a Mini Cooper tied the Winter Olympic ski jump record.
* It's now reported that an enormous asteroid nearly hit Earth on Monday. Two-thirds of Americans said if that meant they wouldn't have to watch any more Winter Olympic curling, it wouldn't be all bad.
* There's adorable online video of orphaned baby cougar cubs at a zoo in Portland, Ore. This should be mandatory viewing for all proponents of mountain lion hunting.
* Toyota has recalled 1.9 million Priuses. Apparently there's a defect in the cars' pretentiousness.
* The recall is for 1.9 million and two cars, including every Prius in Montana and North Dakota.
* During a concert, Miley Cyrus stuck a fan's thong in her mouth. The good thing is, this way, Miley couldn't sing.
* The Russian men's hockey team has been eliminated from the Winter Olympics. Today, team members reported to their new headquarters: a cave in Outer Siberia.
* Even though President Vladimir Putin can't present the players with gold medals, he did give them all replicas of his Super Bowl ring.
* U.S. bobsledder Chuck Berkeley said the athletes were chosen based on popularity and not bobsledding talent. To which U.S. bobsled captains Kobe Bryant and Peyton Manning responded, "That's ridiculous."
* A Winter Olympic biathlon event, which involves skiing and shooting a gun, was postponed due to fog. Good call. Very good call.
* Louisville's men's basketball players won't shave until they lose. If this was Wichita State, players would look like ZZ Top.
* Lamar Odom signed a two-month contract with a team in Spain. It's the same deal Kris Humphries signed when he married Kim Kardashian.