Breaking Brad: A lesson in saving receipts, brought to you by Team USA - Omaha.com
Published Monday, February 10, 2014 at 12:01 am / Updated at 9:46 am
Breaking Brad: A lesson in saving receipts, brought to you by Team USA

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Jon Bruning made a dramatic, 11th hour entrance into the Nebraska gubernatorial race on Saturday. My favorite part was when he sky-dived onto the state Capitol dome.

* That’s the big story. In the Nebraska gubernatorial race it’s now Jon Bruning vs the Ricketts family.

* That’s how the ballots will read. “Mike Foley, Jon Bruning, Ricketts Family.”

* With Bruning in the race this means Pete Ricketts will be spending more money than the combined costs of the Winter Olympics and every Super Bowl commercial.

* I wouldn’t say Bruning entered the race late, but Pete Festersen said: “make up your mind.”

* Bruning appears to already be targeting rural voters in western Nebraska. He threw his cowboy hat into the ring.

* Bruning vs. Ricketts means that the Nebraska gubernatorial race is officially the political version of a WWE cage match.

* NBC is receiving criticism for all the tape delays of Winter Olympic events. Only NBC airs historic Olympic events via tape delay and Carrie Underwood’s “Sound of Music!” live.

* Omaha now has a men’s roller derby team to go with the women’s roller derby team. If you were wondering where the next king and queen of Aksarben are coming from, wonder no more.

* Omaha.com has a new, twice per month video series called “Ten Minutes with the Mayor.” That’s not to be confused with another segment — “Seven Hours with Ted Cruz.”

* The Winter Olympics opening ceremonies paid tribute to Russia’s rich classical music heritage. After the Super Bowl halftime show it was just nice to see some musicians whose instruments were plugged in.

* The highlight of the opening ceremonies was when the Olympic cauldron was lit by the 200-ft statue of Vladimir Putin.

* The sweaters the U.S. team wore in the opening ceremonies cost $595 each. Fortunately, due to our economic situation, we saved the receipts. After the games we’ll return ‘em. “These 704 sweaters weren’t quite what we wanted.”

* The IOC passed out 100,000 condoms to 7,650 Winter Olympians, which works out to about 13 condoms per athlete. How are they gonna have time to participate in any events?

* The U.S. presidential election is 1,000 days away, as of Monday. Still, an uber-confident Hillary Clinton showed up to measure the White House drapes.

* When President Obama visited a middle school in Adelphi, Md. he thought he was taping the class with a student’s iPad, but a seventh grader stood up and showed the president he needed to hit record. Then, Obama asked the kid if he has any ideas for a functioning health care system.

* The editor of the New York Times lashed out at President Obama. I believe that’s called blasphemy.

* The editor of the New York Times blasted President Obama. Sounds like somebody wasn’t happy with the place setting they brought home from Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday dance party.

* Only one out of 11 small cars tested passed crash tests. It’s gotten to the point where the crash test dummies are afraid to get inside.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Easter Sunday temperatures climb into 80s in Omaha area
City Council to vote on adding Bluffs pedestrian safety lights
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Midlands runners ready for Boston Marathon
Families from area shelters treated to meal at Old Chicago
Omaha police investigate two Sunday shootings
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
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