Breaking Brad: Bad news for Pete Ricketts... - Omaha.com
Published Monday, February 10, 2014 at 12:01 am / Updated at 12:00 pm
Breaking Brad: Bad news for Pete Ricketts...

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* Adidas is sticking with Justin Bieber as an endorser. How bad does Lance Armstrong feel now?

* In Milwaukee, a Stradivarius violin worth $8 million that was stolen has been recovered. The Milwaukee police dept. made solving this case its second highest priority right after finding the missing beer truck.

* Someone in Milwaukee stole a Stradivarius violin worth millions. A disinterested American public yawned and said “Let us know if anyone takes Selena Gomez’ microphone.”

* All the Super Bowl commercials were ranked best to worst. It’s nice to see we’ve already found something for the BCS committee to do.

* The new “Star Wars” movie takes place so far into the future, Wichita State has lost a game.

* I believe the Globetrotters have lost more recently than Wichita State.

* Vladimir Putin will allow Edward Snowden to attend the Winter Olympics. I understand Snowden is planning to issue proof that nobody really knows what a “salchow” is and that it’s just a made up word.

* Because the Winter Olympics is in Russia, instead of a gold medal local organizers will present winners with something more valuable - a potato and a roll of toilet paper.

* The Phoenix Coyotes are being renamed the Arizona Coyotes. Hey, whatever it takes. It can’t be easy selling a sport played on ice to a populace where 102 degrees is considered a cooling trend.

* At a sanctuary in England penguins are being given anti-depressants to help them cope with the dreary winter weather. This is when you know it's been a rough winter - Arctic penguins can't cope.

* Maybe if there are any leftover antidepressants they can be air-dropped over Omaha.

* I saw a guy complete a triple axle, a reverse figure eight and a salchow. And that was an Omaha commuter driving to work in the snow last week.

* NBC's editing of the Winter Olympics opening ceremony caused a firestorm on Twitter. Now to be fair, it's rare that 11 seconds passes without a new firestorm on Twitter.

* Video of a U.S. bobsledder kicking down the door of the bathroom he got locked in has gone viral. Remember when we used to hear inspirational tales of Olympic athletes escaping from Communist regimes?

* Bad news for Pete Ricketts — Jon Bruning is still in the race for governor.

* Competitors in the Westminster Kennel Club Show are judged based on gait, coat and personality. It's the same way we choose of presidents.

* Atlanta is bracing for another round of winter weather. You know what that means. The town snowplow is being removed from its blocks.

* Creighton lost to St. John's Sunday night due to poor free throw shooting. It's just too bad for Creighton that the free throw line isn't 40 feet from the basket.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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