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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Omaha's "American Idol" auditions air on national television Jan. 30. This should undo all the good PR from Peyton Manning's "Omaha!" snap count in a hurry.
* Marie Claire magazine named Omaha one of the five best U.S. cities for single women, partly because everybody supposedly knows everybody. So, singles "have a built-in background check." Once again, the national media has confused us with Hooterville.
* If Omaha is one of the best cities for single women because they're outnumbered by single men, doesn't that make this one of the worst cities for single guys?
* The Midlands International Auto Show began Thursday at Omaha's CenturyLink Center. Because it's in downtown Omaha, two-thirds of the cars were towed on the first day.
* Omaha.com recently featured an article about a 90-year-old woman with a bad hip who still finds ways to exercise. Don't people feel guilty enough this time of year about the StairMaster they got for Christmas they're hanging laundry on without articles like this?
* A snowed-in Baltimore man posted a Craigslist plea for Taco Bell food. You know ... the drifts outside were only 8-ft. high, so I'm pretty sure Jimmy John's was still delivering.
* According to a new book, Hillary Clinton has an enemies list. Now, you're familiar with the book "War and Peace...?"
* John Boehner just appeared on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." No wonder things move slow in Washington, D.C. All of our leaders are in a green room in Burbank.
* According to a new report, drinking cow urine is good for your health. I'm telling you, I am less impressed with Obamacare pretty much every day.
* It looks like Washington, D.C., may legalize marijuana. Isn't Congress stupid enough without this?
* New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has returned from Florida, where he allegedly delayed the boats on Disney's "It's A Small World" with some unnecessary dock work.
* NSA's chief has denied spying on Congress. Of course not. That would involve outsmarting members of the current Congress, and we all know that's impossible. #sarcasm
* Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of rover Opportunity landing on Mars. With all the government cutbacks, this means our extended warranty from Sears has expired.
* Piers Morgan butted heads with Ann Coulter. Does this surprise anyone? Putting those two together is basically the cable news channel version of a hockey riot.
* Oklahoma is on the verge of legalizing same-sex marriage. Colorado legalized recreational marijuana. Who would have ever guessed the old Big Eight conference would be on the forefront of the progressive movement?
* Target stores cut health care for part-time workers due to Obamacare. You combine Target and Obamacare, and you just knew something awful was gonna happen.
* Best be careful, Target. You need bad publicity right now about as much as Justin Bieber.
* A message in a bottle surfaced 20 years later. Let's hope it wasn't part of a UPS holiday delivery gone terribly awry.