Breaking Brad: Why won't a stranger bring me late-night tacos? - Omaha.com
Published Friday, January 24, 2014 at 10:24 am / Updated at 11:00 am
Breaking Brad: Why won't a stranger bring me late-night tacos?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Omaha's "American Idol" auditions air on national television Jan. 30. This should undo all the good PR from Peyton Manning's "Omaha!" snap count in a hurry.

* Marie Claire magazine named Omaha one of the five best U.S. cities for single women, partly because everybody supposedly knows everybody. So, singles "have a built-in background check." Once again, the national media has confused us with Hooterville.

* If Omaha is one of the best cities for single women because they're outnumbered by single men, doesn't that make this one of the worst cities for single guys?

* The Midlands International Auto Show began Thursday at Omaha's CenturyLink Center. Because it's in downtown Omaha, two-thirds of the cars were towed on the first day.

* Omaha.com recently featured an article about a 90-year-old woman with a bad hip who still finds ways to exercise. Don't people feel guilty enough this time of year about the StairMaster they got for Christmas they're hanging laundry on without articles like this?

* A snowed-in Baltimore man posted a Craigslist plea for Taco Bell food. You know ... the drifts outside were only 8-ft. high, so I'm pretty sure Jimmy John's was still delivering.

* According to a new book, Hillary Clinton has an enemies list. Now, you're familiar with the book "War and Peace...?"

* John Boehner just appeared on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." No wonder things move slow in Washington, D.C. All of our leaders are in a green room in Burbank.

* According to a new report, drinking cow urine is good for your health. I'm telling you, I am less impressed with Obamacare pretty much every day.

* It looks like Washington, D.C., may legalize marijuana. Isn't Congress stupid enough without this?

* New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has returned from Florida, where he allegedly delayed the boats on Disney's "It's A Small World" with some unnecessary dock work.

* NSA's chief has denied spying on Congress. Of course not. That would involve outsmarting members of the current Congress, and we all know that's impossible. #sarcasm

* Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of rover Opportunity landing on Mars. With all the government cutbacks, this means our extended warranty from Sears has expired.

* Piers Morgan butted heads with Ann Coulter. Does this surprise anyone? Putting those two together is basically the cable news channel version of a hockey riot.

* Oklahoma is on the verge of legalizing same-sex marriage. Colorado legalized recreational marijuana. Who would have ever guessed the old Big Eight conference would be on the forefront of the progressive movement?

* Target stores cut health care for part-time workers due to Obamacare. You combine Target and Obamacare, and you just knew something awful was gonna happen.

* Best be careful, Target. You need bad publicity right now about as much as Justin Bieber.

* A message in a bottle surfaced 20 years later. Let's hope it wasn't part of a UPS holiday delivery gone terribly awry.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Video: Stothert says Crossroads project is 'full speed ahead,' but she won't support bond issue
'Fairly old' human skull found in Mills County
World champion Crawford's promoter working to have title defense at CenturyLink Center
Police i.d. body found near 36th, Seward Streets
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
Omaha crash victim, 19, had touched many lives
Firefighters take on 'fully engulfed barn fire'
Council Bluffs school board approves new district headquarters
Officials announce effort to lure more veterans to Nebraska
SB 132nd Street lane closed
Shane Osborn grabs several endorsements
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Omaha area may get 1 inch of rain tonight
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
Waitress who served alcohol to teen before fatal crash gets jail time, probation
Owners of exotic dance bar deny prostitution allegations
More Nebraskans are electing to vote early
A day after Ricketts endorsement, Ted Cruz backs Sasse for Senate
Some city streets remain closed
Nebraska's U.S. Senate candidates stick to familiar topics at Omaha forum
19-year-old killed in one-vehicle crash at 72nd & Shirley
8% of alcohol sellers checked in Omaha area last week sold booze to minors
OPS bus, SUV collide; no students onboard at the time
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Nebraska GOP candidates unified against naked squirrels
Some of these Nebraska campaigns are tilting pretty far right. At a recent forum, there was a consensus that we need to ban public dancing and clothe naked squirrels in public parks.
Breaking Brad: Inside the mind of a 99-year-old real estate agent
I saw an article about a 99-year-old real estate agent who's still working. “This house is extra special. It has indoor toilets!”
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
Breaking Brad: Even Chuck Hassebrook's throwing mud!
The Nebraska campaigns have turned so ugly, Democrat Chuck Hassebrook lobbed unfounded accusations at an imaginary opponent.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
Tokyo Sushi
$5 for $10 or $10 for $20 toward All-You-Can-Eat Sushi Purchase
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »