Breaking Brad: Here's how NOT to rob a bank - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, January 22, 2014 at 10:30 am / Updated at 11:02 am
Breaking Brad: Here's how NOT to rob a bank

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Lawyer David Domina, a Democrat, formally entered the U.S. Senate race Tuesday. He's one in a million. By that, I mean he's one Democrat in a field of a million Republicans.

* A legitimate Democratic candidate running for Senate in Nebraska? This sort of reminds me of the children's story where the duck thinks it's a horse.

* An Omaha woman has been named one of the best ultrarunners in the U.S. To prepare for 100-mile races, she regularly runs our detours.

* Michelle Obama's second inaugural gown is Smithsonian-bound. It will be displayed next to a bill the current Congress somehow passed.

* The East Coast has been battered by up to 16 inches of snow. Hey, everybody, are you ready for the first outdoor Super Bowl in a cold weather location?

* Most federal government offices in Washington, D.C., were closed Tuesday due to snow. Joe Biden had to clear the White House sidewalk three times.

* CNN's Jason Carroll was pelted by snowballs while on the air. It's not yet known if the snowballs were tossed by punk kids or Fox News hosts.

* Visibility is so bad back east, a Southwest Airlines plane landed at the right airport.

* Carl Lewis said Chris Christie tried to intimidate him amid his N.J. Senate bid. That's our new strategy. Instead of President Obama, we're gonna send Chris Christie to the Winter Olympics to give opponents the stink eye.

* Barbara Bush said, "I love Bill Clinton." Chris Christie's got to be thinking, "And I can't get any love from Republicans?"

* During his inaugural address Tuesday, Christie was surrounded by aides who have yet to be forced out.

* We're now at a point where the Chris Christie scandal that breaks in the morning is replaced by a different Chris Christie scandal in the afternoon.

* Either Chris Christie is corrupt, or the Democrats began their presidential campaign even earlier than usual. I'm not sure which.

* When The New York Times asked Mitt Romney if he'd run for president again, he replied: "Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no!" If you follow politics, you know he's on the fence.

* In political circles, you know what you call a comment like that? "Ambivalent."

* It sounds like Romney is more likely to run again than most failed Republican nominees.

* In Antioch, Calif., a bank robber was foiled when the teller was unable to read his handwritten note. OK, kids. This is why it's important to learn cursive writing and not just text all the time.

* I'm trying to confirm the frustrated robber told the teller: "OK, wait here. I'm gonna email you."

* How bizarre was it to see the teller and bank robber conversing? "Is that an 'e'?" "No, it's an 'r.'" "I want to robe you?" "Rob! Rob!"

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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