Breaking Brad: Meet the penguin Peyton Manning's brother, Eli - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, January 22, 2014 at 1:42 pm / Updated at 2:19 pm
Breaking Brad: Meet the penguin Peyton Manning's brother, Eli

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* According to Marie Claire magazine, Omaha is one of the five best U.S. cities for single women. Remember that on Thursday morning when the wind chill is 25-below.

* Here's a good clue that you live in Nebraska: Last Friday, we had record warm temperatures, and Thursday morning there are wind chills of -25 degrees predicted.

* Readers are staring at Omaha.com in absolute disbelief, stunned that there is apparently not one story today on Omaha's love for Peyton Manning.

* It should be clear to all by now that Omaha loves Manning more than any parent could love a child.

* The Henry Doorly Zoo & Aquarium named a penguin after Manning. This is Omaha's version of giving a key to the city.

* There's a penguin named Peyton Manning. And another less impressive penguin named Eli Manning.

* Another video of an apparently intoxicated Rob Ford has surfaced. So, this must be Wednesday.

* Heavy snowfall on the East Coast shut down most federal government offices in Washington, D.C. At least now, Congress has an excuse for getting absolutely nothing accomplished.

* You get the feeling Mother Nature said: "Gov. Chris Christie being inaugurated for a second term? Well, we'll see about that."

* To bond with fans, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell will sit outside at the Super Bowl. Let's hope it stops there. Nobody wants to see the commissioner shirtless in the front row with an "E" on his chest.

* A Connecticut man broke into a gas station and stole a lone banana. I think the bank robber in California with the lousy handwriting and the guy in Connecticut who stole one banana should join forces.

* Richard Sherman is a top student at Stanford, where he's close to completing his Masters. Here's one commencement speech you don't wanna miss.

* There is video on YouTube of a man sinking a basket on a moving goal from a tower 500 feet in the air. This was the most impressive Ethan Wragge warm-up yet.

* At a recent Lakers home game, Jack Nicholson told Cavaliers coach Mike Brown to move out of his way. I don't care who has the better record this season; no coach at a Clippers game is moving for Frankie Muniz.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
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Some of these Nebraska campaigns are tilting pretty far right. At a recent forum, there was a consensus that we need to ban public dancing and clothe naked squirrels in public parks.
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I saw an article about a 99-year-old real estate agent who's still working. “This house is extra special. It has indoor toilets!”
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