Breaking Brad: Need to lose weight? Eat some McDonald's -
Published Tuesday, January 14, 2014 at 9:32 am / Updated at 9:54 am
Breaking Brad: Need to lose weight? Eat some McDonald's

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Nebraska State Sen. Scott Lautenbaugh has a proposal to sell MUD. Any way we can throw in OPPD and make it a package deal?

* The Weather Channel ranked Omaha as the fifth-coldest major U.S. city and Lincoln as the seventh-coldest. Gov. Heineman's State of the State address Wednesday will be delivered from atop a Zamboni.

* Omaha has a new city logo: an icicle.

* Peyton Manning's "Omaha! Omaha!" may have been a "dummy call." I'll pause while readers think up their own City Council jokes.

* In you're sick of hearing "Omaha!" after the Denver Broncos' game Sunday, listen to Gov. Dave Heineman's State of the State speech Wednesday. I'm pretty sure "Omaha" won't be mentioned once.

* According to a new study, bacon may reduce male fertility. With all the Bacon Fests in Omaha, this means, by 2025, our birthrate should be zero.

* An Iowa science teacher ate three meals a day at McDonald's for 90 days. He was going to eat school cafeteria food but wanted something more nutritious.

* He ate at McDonald's three times a day for 90 days and lost 37 pounds. I think this is a diet Americans can finally live with.

* There is a wind advisory for Omaha on Tuesday. It's so windy, a Southwest Airlines flight in Missouri was blown into the right airport.

* A Southwest Airlines flight landed at the wrong airport in Missouri. Because it's Southwest, the pilots' vision was obscured by a front-row passenger's foot extending into the cockpit.

* A Southwest spokesperson said the flight was supposed to land in Branson but landed only seven miles away. Hey, this isn't horseshoes.

* Southwest officials said, "At least we got the right state!"

* Due to a contract dispute, DirectTV customers are without The Weather Channel. So, I'll sum up The Weather Channel for you on most any day: "The weather is horrible! Expected flight delays lasting for years! It's Weather Armageddon, America!"

* The Weather Channel urged DirectTV customers to lobby Congress to keep it on the air. Because you have a cable TV company and Congress involved, this should be settled in 300 years.

* Congress has unveiled a $1.1 trillion spending bill. This is pretty ambitious for a group of people I wouldn't trust with a roll of bus tokens.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
High court denies death row appeal of cult leader convicted of murder
State Department moves to delay Keystone XL pipeline decision
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
Omaha judge reprimanded for intervening in peer attorney's DUI case
Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
Police seek public's help in finding an armed man
Saturday forecast opens window for gardening; Easter egg hunts look iffy on Sunday
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
A voice of experience: Ex-gang member helps lead fight against Omaha violence
Church is pressing its case for old Temple Israel site
OPPD board holding public forum, open house May 7
The thrill of the skill: Omaha hosts statewide contest for students of the trades
A recap of what got done — and what didn't — in the 2014 legislative session
When judge asks, Nikko Jenkins says ‘I killed them’
Nancy's Almanac, April 17, 2014: Trees save money
'The war is not over,' Chambers says, but legislative session about is
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
Teen killed at Gallagher Park was shot in head as he sat in SUV, friend who was wounded says
New UNO center strengthens ties between campus, community
Threat found in Millard West bathroom deemed 'not credible'
< >
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
Kelly: Creighton's McDermotts put good faces on an Omaha tradition
A comical roast Wednesday night in Omaha brought fans of Creighton basketball laughter by the bucketful. This time it was McJokes, not McBuckets, that entertained the Bluejay crowd.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
< >
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »