Breaking Brad: Hey, neighbor, have you seen my garbage can? - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, January 14, 2014 at 1:54 pm / Updated at 2:25 pm
Breaking Brad: Hey, neighbor, have you seen my garbage can?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* The president of the Omaha Chamber of Commerce suggested having Peyton Manning do a promotional spot. Ironically, the Omaha Chamber of Commerce is the one entity left on Earth that Manning has yet to endorse.

* There's an explanation. When Manning shouts "Omaha! Omaha!" the offensive line is supposed to form an impenetrable wall of orange traffic barrels.

* A million dollar ticket was sold at the No Frills at 132nd Street and West Center Road. It sounds like someone's done bagging their own groceries.

* There's a wind advisory Tuesday in Omaha! Omaha! (I listened to Peyton Manning so much, I can't help doing that now.)

* If you set your garbage cans outside Monday night and haven't checked, they're probably on top of your neighbor's roof.

* N.J. Gov. Chris Christie was scheduled to deliver his State of the State speech Tuesday. Unless he gets stuck in traffic.

* Mitt Romney took a jab at Obamacare. You knew this was coming. The only Republican in the world yet to criticize Obamacare has just done so.

* Oh, great ... now Romney starts campaigning.

* A lawsuit claims Facebook has spied on its users. After spying, Facebook learned that all of its users live perfect lives filled with beautiful children, snazzy cars and full social calendars.

* There has been "backlash" against "The Wolf of Wall Street." I'm guessing this has something to do with nine of the Ten Commandments being broken in the first three seconds.

* Kate Winslet named her baby "Bear." This happens to be a great name if you're part of the "Duck Dynasty" cast.

* Lacey Chabert married a "mystery man." Statistically, there's a four-percent chance it's Larry King.

* I wouldn't say the "60 Minutes" report on Alex Rodriguez was scathing, but, by the end, Lance Armstrong was holding his hands over his ears.

* In men's college basketball over the weekend, Colorado lost to Washington for the inaugural Recreational Marijuana Cup.

* Mike Tyson's new autobiography is called "Undisputed Truth." Because it's a Tyson book, all the dog ears have little bite marks.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Oil industry ad campaign mocks Nebraska cowboys who protested Keystone XL pipeline
In Omaha, bus tour calls for hourly minimum wage over $10
Fremont police searching for missing 56-year-old man
Prosecutor: Baby might be alive if day care employer had spoken up
NRA seeks universal gun law at national meeting
Beau McCoy calls Pete Ricketts a 'convenient conservative' for immigration stance
Omaha senator seeks minimum wage ballot measure
Agreement reached to end dog racing at Bluffs Run at end of 2015
Police probe bank robbery
Man accused of trying to open flying plane's door pleads not guilty
Ben Sasse shifts tactics, calls ad by Shane Osborn 'hypocritical'
Forecast on the upswing after Thursday's rain
EB Harney Street lane closed
Ex-UNMC student loses appeal; claimed program didn't make accommodations for his depression
Grace: Your older self has a request — use sunscreen
At NU's helm, J.B. Milliken built the university by building relationships with state leaders
City's Personnel Board is behind ‘ban-the-box’ proposal
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
Richard Paul Dreier, 90, was wounded in attack during WWII
Police issue arrest warrant in teen's shooting death
Kelly: Huskers' glory days of '80s live on — on the small screen and on stage
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Construction to start in May on West Broadway apartment/retail structure
3 Nebraska Board of Education candidates call for high standards
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Breaking Brad: 117-mph riding lawnmowers and 12-scoop banana splits
The Chicago White Sox are selling a 12-scoop banana split inside a full-size batting helmet for $17. You know what you'd call someone in Chicago who'd eat this? "Health nut."
Breaking Brad: Walmart beats Russia, stakes a claim on the moon
Russia is claiming it owns a section of the moon. If you follow the news, you know this probably doesn't end well.
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Kelly: Huskers' glory days of '80s live on — on the small screen and on stage
The 1984 NFL draft was unusual for the Nebraska Cornhuskers, and these days it's remembered in the name of a rock band, the 1984 Draft. Tonight, the band is featured on the NFL Network.
Breaking Brad: Nebraska GOP candidates unified against naked squirrels
Some of these Nebraska campaigns are tilting pretty far right. At a recent forum, there was a consensus that we need to ban public dancing and clothe naked squirrels in public parks.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
7M Grill
Half Off Delicious Comfort Fusion Food & Drinks!
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »