Breaking Brad: Hey, neighbor, have you seen my garbage can? - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, January 14, 2014 at 1:54 pm / Updated at 2:25 pm
Breaking Brad: Hey, neighbor, have you seen my garbage can?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* The president of the Omaha Chamber of Commerce suggested having Peyton Manning do a promotional spot. Ironically, the Omaha Chamber of Commerce is the one entity left on Earth that Manning has yet to endorse.

* There's an explanation. When Manning shouts "Omaha! Omaha!" the offensive line is supposed to form an impenetrable wall of orange traffic barrels.

* A million dollar ticket was sold at the No Frills at 132nd Street and West Center Road. It sounds like someone's done bagging their own groceries.

* There's a wind advisory Tuesday in Omaha! Omaha! (I listened to Peyton Manning so much, I can't help doing that now.)

* If you set your garbage cans outside Monday night and haven't checked, they're probably on top of your neighbor's roof.

* N.J. Gov. Chris Christie was scheduled to deliver his State of the State speech Tuesday. Unless he gets stuck in traffic.

* Mitt Romney took a jab at Obamacare. You knew this was coming. The only Republican in the world yet to criticize Obamacare has just done so.

* Oh, great ... now Romney starts campaigning.

* A lawsuit claims Facebook has spied on its users. After spying, Facebook learned that all of its users live perfect lives filled with beautiful children, snazzy cars and full social calendars.

* There has been "backlash" against "The Wolf of Wall Street." I'm guessing this has something to do with nine of the Ten Commandments being broken in the first three seconds.

* Kate Winslet named her baby "Bear." This happens to be a great name if you're part of the "Duck Dynasty" cast.

* Lacey Chabert married a "mystery man." Statistically, there's a four-percent chance it's Larry King.

* I wouldn't say the "60 Minutes" report on Alex Rodriguez was scathing, but, by the end, Lance Armstrong was holding his hands over his ears.

* In men's college basketball over the weekend, Colorado lost to Washington for the inaugural Recreational Marijuana Cup.

* Mike Tyson's new autobiography is called "Undisputed Truth." Because it's a Tyson book, all the dog ears have little bite marks.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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