Breaking Brad: Kearney Arch just can't catch a break - Omaha.com
Published Monday, January 13, 2014 at 12:01 am / Updated at 12:54 pm
Breaking Brad: Kearney Arch just can't catch a break

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* A Southwest Airlines flight has landed at the wrong Branson, Mo., airport. I am stunned, mostly that Branson has more than one airport.

* According to a Weather Channel ranking, Omaha is the fifth coldest major city in the U.S. After hearing this, our city council members leaped into action and introduced a proposal for a thermal underwear tax.

* Lincoln is ranked as the seventh coldest major city. Let's be honest: Lincoln officials are just thrilled to be considered a major city.

* Nine counties in West Virginia have been without healthy drinking water for several days. Of course, Omaha has been without healthy drinking water for about 37 1/2 years.

* Nebraska Gov. Dave Heineman delivers his state of the state address on Wednesday. He had to wait for college football season to end so somebody pays attention.

* Nebraska State Sen. Scott Lautenbaugh has proposed selling MUD. Do I hear 10 bucks?

* The actor who played Batman on the old TV series, Adam West, is coming to UNL this week. He was also gonna drop by UNO but nobody wants to see the Batmobile with a tire boot.

* The Nebraska Legislature kicked off a new 60-session last week. Sixty days? In Omaha it takes longer than that to paint a traffic line.

* According to the Iowa Board of Medicine, the number of physicians there is increasing. Sure, this is necessary to treat people who eat the food at the Iowa State Fair.

* There is a new marijuana tour in Colorado called Rocky Mountain Mile High Tours. Now the Kearney Arch has to compete against this?

* The name of the Great Platte River Road Archway in Kearney is being shortened to “The Archway.” If they really want to attract tourists, I would've gone with “Disney Midwest.”

* Actually, “The Archway” is a much more enticing name. Now, if only there was a way to actually get to the museum.

* A slew of recent water main breaks in Des Moines are blamed on the extreme cold. Except by the Des Moines Register, which blamed the water main breaks on the Republicans.

* The Omaha Boat, Sports and Travel Show featured duck races. Who says Omaha isn't a big event town?

* Last week, the press was granted rare access to a private lunch President Obama had with Joe Biden. It was fascinating watching Biden bus the table after the meal.

* A fresh batch of Christmas supplies finally arrived at the International Space Station on Sunday. Apparently they were sent via UPS.

* Or maybe the supplies were delayed after being stuck in a traffic on the George Washington Bridge in New Jersey.

* Alex Rodriguez has been banned for one year. Which is significant because the average lifetime ban in pro sports works out to about seven months in actual time.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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