Breaking Brad: If I had $67... - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, January 7, 2014 at 10:23 am / Updated at 8:39 am
Breaking Brad: If I had $67...

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* This week, several Interstate ramps in the Omaha area are closed for construction work. This is obviously because the city ran out of streets to close.

* A tax cut went into effect Jan. 1 that will save the average Nebraska couple earning $50K in adjusted gross income per year about $67 annually. Only in Nebraska do you need to check the fine print to find our tax cuts.

* The bad news is, with the OPPD price hike, that extra 67 bucks should be gone by Jan 10.

* There's a warming trend in Omaha. That means the wind chill last night was only -25.

* It's been so cold, for the first time in history, a canine was actually happy when his owner put a doggie sweater on him.

* The Chicago zoo kept its penguins and polar bears indoors Monday due to the cold. That tends to make the decision to close schools easy.

* When it's this cold, they say to dress in layers. So, before I went out Monday, I put on a winter parka, a jacket, a St. Bernard, a sweater and a heavy wool shirt.

* It's so cold, someone walked into a theater showing "Grudge Match" just to warm up.

* At least 18 water-main breaks were reported in the three-day period Saturday through Monday. Eighteen! Do you know how many water-main breaks we'd normally have in a three-day period? Well, about 17.

* There was a 2.9 magnitude earthquake in southeast Nebraska on Sunday night. This is like living inside a freezer that moves.

* It's warmer on Mars than in Michigan. The difference between the two is Mars' real estate market is doing slightly better than Detroit's.

* According to a CNN poll, nearly three-quarters of Americans label the current Congress a "do-nothing" body. And Pete Festersen should be re-entering Nebraska's second district race in 10, 9...

The young, old, rich and poor, males and females agree. When members of Congress talked about uniting the country, I'm not sure this is what they intended.

* According to a CNN poll, Republicans have a slight edge over Democrats in the 2014 midterm elections. This reminds me of that "Three Stooges" poll showing Americans found Larry to be slightly more intelligent than Curly.

* On Jan 26, the price of a first-class stamp will increase. One more postal rate increase and I'll be developing my own delivery drone.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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