Breaking Brad: Meet 'The Batman of the Bluffs' - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, January 2, 2014 at 12:01 am / Updated at 10:35 am
Breaking Brad: Meet 'The Batman of the Bluffs'

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* It rained during the Gator Bowl in Jacksonville. Ha! Boy, am I glad I didn't go there. Hey, did anyone see my thermal underwear, ski mask and snow shovel?

* The New Year's Eve fireworks show in the Gene Leahy Mall took place at 7 p.m. So, basically we were celebrating the arrival of 2014 in France.

* The celebration in Taiwan revolved around a 59-foot rubber duck that unfortunately exploded. This sounds like the first New Year's Eve celebration I'm sorry I missed.

* Many Americans observed a healthier New Year's celebration this year. Then there's Colorado, where people hurried to sober up New Year's Day, so they could get in line at the recreational marijuana shop.

* On New Year's Eve, tons of confetti fell in Times Square. To create the confetti, someone shredded all the bills Congress failed to pass in 2013.

* Gov. Dave Heineman's New Year's wish list includes "meaningful tax relief" for Nebraskans. I speak for many Nebraskans when I say, at this point, we'd settle for totally meaningless tax relief.

* A Nebraska task force is recommending atax on pop and bottled water. This is brought to you by the committee "Let's See What Haven't We Taxed Yet?"

* The task force recommends a tax on pop. I have a better idea — only tax people from out of town who come here and call it "soda."

* Over in Dubai on New Year's Eve, more than 400,000 pyrotechnics exploded. Dubai will henceforth be known as "the Omaha of the Middle East."

* At the big New Year's Eve celebration in London, edible, banana-flavored confetti fell. That's one bizarre country, when the confetti tastes better than the food.

* The edible confetti in London worked out so well, now they're thinking of getting some edible food in town.

* “Out with the old, in with the new.” Which is what many Americans feel President Obama should be telling Kathleen Sebelius.

* The World-Herald ran an article about a couple who turned a warehouse downtown into a high-tech "urban oasis." Why is it never the other way around? I don't think I've seen one article about a family turning their luxury downtown condo into a warehouse.

* I wouldn't say Americans eat too much over the holidays but Monday night several fans were observed chasing the Chick-fil-A Bowl cow with forks.

* A Council Bluffs pharmacist has thwarted an attempted robbery for the third time. I hereby dub him “The Batman of the Bluffs.”

* Winter storm “Hercules” is bearing down on the northeast. Finally, an aptly named storm. No more of this "Tropical Storm Deliah is heading for the coast."

* It's now legal to take a commercial flight from Cuba to the U.S. Cuban leaders are obviously hoping that exposure to U.S. commercial airlines will make their people want nothing to do with capitalism.

* President Obama is in Hawaii on vacation. Every year, Obama makes an annual pilgrimage to Honolulu to search for his birth certificate.

* President Obama's half-brother said Barack "sometimes is a lousy brother." You think President Obama was in demand by daytime TV talk shows before? Now, there's family dysfunction involved.

* Members of Congress went on recess without stopping long-term unemployment benefits from expiring. Someone should have pointed out to members of the 113th Congress that, if polls are any indication, many of them will soon join the ranks of the long-term unemployed.

* CNN.com profiled a new U.S. “super-secret stealth drone” capable of flying for up to 24 hours behind enemy lines. This should be a valuable weapon to use against our adversaries, unless, of course, they read CNN.com.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Sarah Palin, Mike Lee coming to Nebraska for Ben Sasse rally
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Ex-Iowan behind landmark free speech case recounts story in Bellevue
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New UNO center strengthens ties between campus, community
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Gov. Heineman calls 2014 a 'very good year for Nebraska taxpayers'
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