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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* You can legally shoot off fireworks in Omaha over New Year's, but you can't purchase fireworks within the city limits. Compared with this, Omaha's emergency snow parking policy actually makes sense.
* Citizens can legally shoot fireworks in Omaha on New Year's Eve. Which is too bad – the Fourth of July fireworks in my neighborhood finally stopped last week.
* The U.S. Congress is allowing 55 tax breaks to expire at the end of 2013. Being somewhat familiar with the current Congress, I'm guessing members are actually aware that two of the tax breaks are going away.
* JetBlue Airlines found a group of people in the "rideshare" section of Craigslist and gave them free flights home for the holidays. After realizing a large, commercial airline has a heart, 60 of the passengers passed out on the spot.
* Best of all? The airline didn't charge passengers $700 per piece of checked luggage to make up for the free tickets.
* Mike Ditka fell asleep during "NFL Countdown." OK, now I'm all for taking a nap so you can stay up until midnight on New Year's Eve ...
* This sounds like the first "Sunday NFL Countdown" I'm sorry I missed.
* One million Americans will be gathered in Times Square at midnight on New Year's Eve. An estimated 2 million will be gathered outside a Boulder, Colo. recreational marijuana shop scheduled to open at 12:01.
* 2013 will soon be history. Or, as President Obama, Target, UPS and the Milwaukee Bucks say: “Well, we're glad that's over.”
* The Obama administration is now pushing Obamacare success stories. I plan to read all of them during the New Year's Eve countdown between “eight” and “six.”
* New Year's Eve is a great night for those who love big crowds, spending big money and being in a loud environment. For me it's traditionally “Put Party Hats on the Dog and Cat Night.”
* “Good Morning America” host Robin Roberts has come out. Now “Today Show” hosts are deciding who comes out to keep pace publicitywise.
* Texas has yet to hire a head football coach. It doesn't take the Republicans this long to find a presidential nominee.
* ESPN analyst and former “Bachelor” Jesse Palmer reportedly saved colleague Chris Fowler's life when he performed the Heimlich maneuver. This is the first productive contribution to society ever made by a “Bachelor.”
* The shoes Michael Jordan wore during his famous “flu game” recently sold for more than $100,000 after being authenticated. You think you hate your job – imagine being a “flu game shoe authenticater.”
* “I just found more 20-year-old barf – they appear to be the real deal.”
* Tim Tebow is excited to have been hired as a college football analyst. Sure, let's face it, he just entered a profession where the bar isn't exactly set high.
* Due to rain in Jacksonville, the Georgia football team practiced inside the team hotel. Hey, someone owes an apology to the two Shriners who got sacked.