Breaking Brad: Which Big Ten football coach made more than $2 million per win? - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, December 31, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 8:47 am
Breaking Brad: Which Big Ten football coach made more than $2 million per win?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Mayor Jean Stothert will preside over the Omaha New Year's Eve ceremony at Gene Leahy Mall. As she sings “Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind,” you know she's thinking of the former fire chief.

* Tons of confetti will fall in Times Square on New Year's Eve. To create the confetti, they used the unsold allotment of Nebraska's Gator Bowl tickets.

* In Denver, at the stroke of midnight a bong will fall to recognize that recreational marijuana is now legal.

* Recreational marijuana becomes legal at 12:01 a.m. in Colorado. On New Year's Eve, Coloradans will be singing “Should old acquaintance be forgot ...” Yeah, like they had a choice.

* Colorado ski resorts are awaiting an influx of marijuana users. And this differs from every other year exactly how?

* LeBron James turned 29 on Monday. The party was similar to the New Year's Eve gathering in Times Square, only bigger.

* In the Rose Parade, everything is made from roses. Nowadays Americans would prefer to see a Little Caesars Pizza Bowl Parade where everything is made from cheese and pepperoni.

* The Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl website has a photo of people bowling at a bowling alley. And still we can't get people from Nebraska to travel to the game?

* Fireworks sales in the Omaha area are legal for three days around the New Year. Only in Omaha is “Auld Lang Syne” drowned out by firecrackers.

* A judge in North Carolina ruled that a scheduled New Year's Eve “possum drop” in Brasstown can continue as planned. I'll never make fun of the Omaha New Year's Eve celebration again.

* That's a sure sign you're not ringing in 2014 with descendants of the first family to arrive on the Mayflower – at midnight a possum goes splat.

* I have a better idea. How about a “judge drop”?

* “You know you're a redneck when ...”

* The Redskins fired head coach Mike Shanahan. One incumbent gone in Washington, D.C., several hundred to go.

* Politifact.com awarded President Obama the "Lie of the Year” award for his health care claims. Of course, Obama said he won't show up to accept the award. Then he said: “Wait a second – is it gonna be on TV?”

* In North Korea there is a Kim Jong Un lookalike. Of course, my first question: Is he available for holiday parties?

* Purdue football coach Darrell Hazell was paid more than $2 million per win this season. Members of Congress asked to hang out with him so they don't seem overpaid in comparison.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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