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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Fireworks sales in the Omaha metro area are legal for three days around New Year's. Only in the Omaha area does holiday shopping include: “OK, kids — you wanna go with bottle rockets or fountains?”
* It's legal to shoot fireworks in Omaha for three days around New Year's. Sure, some years this is the only way to remove ice from the side streets.
* A fourth Dunkin' Donuts is about to open in Omaha. So if you see people with noisemakers doing celebratory jello shots it may have not a thing to do with ringing in the new year.
* Don't miss the Omaha New Year's Eve celebration at the Gene Leahy Mall where you will get to watch mud blown up.
* Due to Mayor Stothert's frugality our official New Year's Eve ceremony will feature people gathered round a 26-inch black and white TV set in Gene Leahy Mall watching the Times Square celebration in New York City.
* An expert on New Year's resolutions said it's important to be specific. There goes my “Do something better at some point in 2014 — or maybe not” resolution.
* Saturday night a cold front passed through the area dropping temperatures 50 degrees in several hours. It's so cold the naked guy in the Council Bluffs public library put on pants.
* Police arrested a naked man inside the Council Bluffs public library. Hey, I was just glad hear someone in a library these days reminded he has the right to remain silent.
* I sit near the World-Herald's new sex expert columnist. When he's at lunch I like to answer his phone and give callers bad advice.
* The Fort Calhoun nuclear plant has begun operating again. If you see someone in Omaha glowing it may have nothing to do with the holidays.
* The A&E Network reinstated “Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson after realizing this was costing the network a couple of bucks, I mean, because it was the right thing to do.
* Every New Year there are always ridiculous, absurd laws that go into effect. Here's the craziest one of all — Ha ha, get this — on Jan. 1, it's legal to smoke recreational marijuana in Colorado!
* At midnight Jan. 1 recreational marijuana becomes legal in Colorado. Jan. 2 Willie Nelson begins his 30-year residency at the Union Colony Civic Center in Greeley, Colo.
* The Gator Bowl website describes a player outing where participants “will enjoy bowling and billiards.” How can you possibly expect a team to focus on a football game with these kinds of distractions?
* The Huskers' hotel is next to TPC Sawgrass club featuring an “island green” on the 17th hole. “You know you're not playing the Pioneer Park course when...”
* I have a theory on why Gator Bowl tickets sales are slow in Nebraska. Maybe because between the Kearney Archway and Carhenge, there's more to do here than in Jacksonville.
* The president is ringing in the new year in Hawaii where he's parading about in short-sleeved shirts tucked into khaki shorts. Residents got excited to see Obama — at first they thought he was the UPS man.
* Depending on whether you get your news from the AP or People magazine, the biggest story of 2013 was either the Obamacare rollout or the Lamar Odom-Khloe Kardashian breakup.
* The most Googled phrase in the U.S. in 2013 beginning with "What is": “What is twerking?” The most Googled person? Miley Cyrus. The most Googled song? The Harlem Shake. Ladies and gentlemen, in a nutshell, this is why China is passing us.
* A woman in North Charleston, S.C., is accused of stabbing her husband — who is OK — with a ceramic squirrel when he came home late Christmas Eve without beer. And that's your “Brad Dickson's Biggest Story of 2013.”