Breaking Brad: Coloradans ask, can you smoke a mistletoe? - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, December 26, 2013 at 9:31 am / Updated at 9:53 am
Breaking Brad: Coloradans ask, can you smoke a mistletoe?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* After thinking about Santa's journey, I now know how to traverse Omaha side streets during winter: reindeer.

* Santa was actually delayed on his journey after Omaha police twice pulled him over on Dodge Street for violating anti-cruising laws.

* There's a big problem in Colorado: Residents are trying to smoke their mistletoes.

* Rep. Steve King tweeted from Norway on Christmas that he was enjoying feasting on reindeer. Is the current Congress not unpopular enough without a member eating Donner?

* Over the holidays, at the top of the hour, snow fell inside Regency Court. When snow falls at Crossroads, it's because there's a hole in the roof.

* Is that an enticement for Omahans? Is there anyone in town who doesn't get to see enough snow in winter?

* Even though snow falls at the top of the hour, 50 percent of Omaha TV meteorologists still got the forecast wrong.

* I just hope the city's not responsible for removal. "We'll get to your side street as soon as we clear the inside of Regency Court."

* There were five NBA games on Christmas Day. Remember when Americans used to spend Christmas huddled around a fireplace, roasting chestnuts? Now, we're gathered 'round the big screen, screaming: "Traveling! He traveled, ref."

* UPS blames the delay in delivering Christmas gifts on Thanksgiving being too close to Christmas. Oh, so it's the pilgrims' fault.

* UPS and FedEx both experienced Christmas delays. You think it can't get worse? Just wait until you're waiting for UPS and FedEx, and an Amazon delivery drone crashes through your roof.

* Edward Snowden had a Christmas message for folks around the world. I'll listen to the pope's Christmas message. I'll listen to the president's Christmas message. But I draw the line at Edward Snowden's Christmas message.

* Michelle Obama spent 30 minutes on Christmas Eve answering calls to the NORAD hotline, or the Santa tracking center. Joe Biden said, "My biggest responsibility ... taken from me."

* President Obama, who's vacationing in Hawaii, delivered a taped Christmas address to Americans. He implied he feels our pain. I'm not sure the message resonated since it was delivered from a surfboard.

* Starting in June, Southwest Airlines will offer nonstop flights between Omaha and Los Angeles International Airport. This is wonderful news. It means Southwest passengers no longer have to stop in Fargo, Boise and Alliance to get to southern California.

* It's actually exciting news for everyone who's unfamiliar with the giant slice of hell that is Los Angeles International Airport.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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