Breaking Brad: Happy holidays! Here's my middle finger - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, December 26, 2013 at 2:18 pm / Updated at 2:45 pm
Breaking Brad: Happy holidays! Here's my middle finger

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* Special radar's used to track Santa on Christmas Eve. I have an idea: Maybe we can use that same radar to track our missing UPS Christmas packages.

* Santa got a late start on Christmas Eve. He was huddled in front of a computer until midnight trying to sign up for Obamacare.

* Rep. Steve King tweeted on Christmas he was feasting on lutefisk and reindeer. Yeah, I remember the last time I stopped by a stadium concession stand in Minnesota.

* Pope Francis wished the world a "Merry Christmas" in dozens of languages. Everyone's worst nightmare is the interpreter from Nelson Mandela's memorial service would work this gig.

* President Obama, who's vacationing in Hawaii, released a taped Christmas video. The theme of Obama's message: "Hang ten."

* I had a traditional, old-fashioned Christmas. I just kicked back and watched some teams trying to lose to improve their position in the NBA lottery.

* If you're feeling slightly nauseous today, it may not be that holiday fruitcake. It may be from getting a good look at the NBA's Christmas Day uniforms.

* The Ricketts family will relinquish their TD Ameritrade board seats by 2016. I'm not sure why, but we can rule out being too busy planning the Chicago Cubs' victory parades.

* Warren Buffett earned $12.7 billion in the first 344 days of 2013, more than any other American. Buffett plans to splurge. You know what that means ... Bronco's drive-thru, super-sized.

* For the second consecutive year, a woman in Denham Springs, La., formed her Christmas lights into the shape of a hand "flipping the bird." This is your first clue your new neighbors are not the friendly type.

* You think this is something? You should see her Fourth of July display. It's Uncle Sam mooning Interstate motorists.

* The UAB football team has asked fans to sit on one side of the stadium, so it looks full on TV. Creighton baseball coaches, you may want to file this one away for next season at TD Ameritrade Park.

* A photo of a baby, armed with a handgun, in Alabama Crimson Tide gear has gone viral. It's now official: The world is completely nuts.

* The day after the Detroit Lions were eliminated from playoff contention, fans received playoff tickets in the mail. Through force of habit, Lions coaches blamed it on "having a young team" in the ticket office.

* A 6-year-old wrote a letter to the Seahawks players, saying he hopes they contract a virus that goes "into [their] throat," and a 7-year-old wrote to an injured Bengals punter that he hopes the Steelers player who blocked him "loses his house and has to live his car." Instead of kids' letters to Santa, let's read more of this stuff.

* It's nice to see young NFL fans ready to step into the shoes of adult NFL fans.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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