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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* The wind chill in Omaha early Monday was -20 degrees. This may be the day that Omahans finally start signing up for Gator Bowl trips to Florida.
* It's so cold small children are telling mall Santas to bring them hand warmers.
* Mayor Stothert is backing a proposal to spend $1.1 million in city money to promote tourism. I'd recommend using $1 million of that to design fake weather-casts.
* The World-Herald has a new sex blogger to answer readers' questions on sex. I'm just glad that no longer falls on me.
* Over the weekend about 1,500 students received degrees at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. In order to graduate you had to complete 120 hours of course work and purchase a ticket to the Gator Bowl. The university is nervous about slow sales.
* According to a Pew Research poll, just half of Americans consider Christmas to be a religious holiday. We're turning into a nation that believes Christmas is all about beating the next guy to the Weed Whackers on Black Friday.
* Someone is selling a “football-shaped sausage.” If you put a big red “N” on there, it'd be the most popular Christmas gift in Nebraska state history.
* Over the weekend Beyonce was spotted shopping at a Walmart in Tewksbury, Massachusetts. Sometimes over the holidays celebrities visit our troops in war-torn areas, but walking into Walmart a few days before Christmas takes even more guts.
* I believe Beyonce went to the toy section and bought aisles seven, eight and nine for her daughter.
* I had some Christmas carolers last night. In a sign of the times they were singing along to a prerecorded track.
* The congestion this time of year is ridiculous. On Sunday Dez Bryant left the Cowboys game early just so he could get a spot at the mall.
* In a sad sign of the times one out of three children is mistaking Santa Claus for that guy who got suspended from “Duck Dynasty.”
* The items in “The 12 Days of Christmas” repeated 364 times in the song, would cost you 114k in today's money. Even worse - who wants six geese a laying?
* Target customers who used a credit card between Nov. 27 and Dec. 15 should check their statements for suspicious activity. You know, like a credit card statement that's comprehensible, put out by a company that charges a reasonable late fee and a fair interest rate.
* At least 7,000 flights in the U.S. have been affected by bad weather. This is why I never travel farther than Ashland-Greenwood at Christmastime.
* Much of the U.S. has been hit with snow, ice, wind and freezing temperatures. From a hammock on a Hawaiian beach, Mai Tai in hand, President Obama said: “I feel your pain.”
* Before leaving on vacation, President Obama and comedian Steve Harvey surprised some tourists who were looking at Christmas ornaments inside the White House. At first the tourists didn't believe it was really Obama until they noticed he was with a celebrity.
* Then Obama asked the tourists if they'd be interested in making a contribution to the DNC and if anyone had any ideas for fixing a health care website.
* President Obama's Twitter account tweeted a photo of a man in pajamas and encouraged Americans to spend the cold days of December talking about health insurance. It gets more embarrassing. The man in pajamas? Joe Biden in the middle of a work day.
* Michael Jordan's house failed to sell at auction. The house is 56,000 square feet. It looks like a place the Obamas would rent on Christmas vacation.
* Dennis Rodman held tryouts for the North Korean national team. Starting at center — 5-foot-4-inch Kim Jong Un.