Breaking Brad: Santa just had to lay off 20 elves - Omaha.com
Published Monday, December 23, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 1:12 pm
Breaking Brad: Santa just had to lay off 20 elves

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning column.

* North Korea sent South Korea a threat — by fax. I don’t think anyone needs to fear the military capability of a nation that sends threats by fax in 2013.

* The threat included the phrase “...strike mercilessly without notice.” Actually the last word read “notic” — Kim Jong Un’s typewriter sometimes drops the “e.”

* In Orlando, Fla. a 200-pound bear crashed a toddler’s backyard birthday. Of course the 200-pound bear wasn’t nearly as frightening to the kids as the clown Dad hired.

* Sunday night the E! Network aired a two-hour documentary on Britney Spears. Wasn’t the Harry Truman documentary only one hour?

* Journey guitarist Neal Schon and one of the former White House gatecrashers had a pay-per-view wedding. Kim Kardashian said: “Why didn’t I think of that? Can me and Kris what’s-his-name get a marital mulligan?”

* Jose Canseco said he wants to replace Mack Brown. On the list of candidates to succeed Brown, Canseco comes after Ryan Seacrest and Pink.

* In Alabama a Jell-O mold of Nick Saban’s face is being auctioned off for charity. The guy who paid more than 10k at the auction of David Ortiz’ whiskers said: “What idiot would bid on this Jell-O mold?”

* As a holiday stunt Notre Dame is sending football recruits each 477 pieces of mail. Players said they’d be more impressed receiving one tweet.

* On Christmas Day five NBA games will air on TV over 11 1/2 hours. Remember the good ol’ days when we had time to exchange gifts with the family?

* The Obama Administration has moved the deadline to sign up for Obamacare from midnight Monday to midnight Tuesday. The deadline has been moved multiple times. Can someone check and see if Christmas is still on the 25th?

* As phrases that I don't want to hear, I'd rank "wind chill advisory" right up there with "Target has received your credit card information."

* The good news — so long as there's a wind chill advisory in effect, your out-of-town relatives here from California for the holidays won't be staying long.

* Same sex weddings are taking place in Utah. So not only is it cold in eastern Nebraska, but hell just froze over.

* In a sign of the times I overheard a kid asking Santa for e-cigarettes.

* This is awful. Santa just had to lay off 20 elves. You know why? Obamacare.

* The Federal Reserve observed its centennial on Monday. If you found yourself celebrating, I think there's a good chance you were just looking for an excuse to party.

* The Federal Reserve was going to hold a party, but with interest rates for a one-year CD around 0.4 percent nobody could really afford it.

* The Toledo Walleyes minor league hockey team is holding an ugly sweater jersey night. They hope to avoid a repeat of last year when players in their ugly sweater-jerseys kept being mistaken for college football bowl representatives.

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Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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