Breaking Brad: About my chat last night with @FauxPelini... - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, December 19, 2013 at 10:21 am / Updated at 10:50 am
Breaking Brad: About my chat last night with @FauxPelini...

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* In a few months, scientists will attempt to land a spacecraft on a speeding comet. Living in a city where virtually nobody can parallel park, this seems extra amazing.

* The only way holiday parking in the Old Market can be any more of a hassle is if they design a parking meter that only accepts Bitcoin.

* One local forecast on Thursday called for a chance of freezing drizzle between 10 a.m. and 8 p.m. Why not just predict a chance of snow sometime between Dec. 27 and Feb 21?

* The Omaha City Council approved a study to lay groundwork for a Crossroads renovation that could include 80 stores, a park and a 135-room hotel. That's pretty ambitious for a mall that currently seems unable to land an Orange Julius stand.

* You know the best thing about Nebraska? People here are real. I was discussing this on Twitter last night with Fake Bo Pelini, Fake Shawn Eichorst and Not Harvey Perlman.

* Dennis Rodman has arrived in North Korea for his third visit with Kim Jong Un. Please don't tell me that Rodman meets with Kim Jong Un more often than Obama sees John Boehner.

* A little tip, Dennis: If Kim Jong Un ever says "you're like an uncle to me," run.

* Rodman will return to North Korea soon with a roster of 12 former NBA players. You thought it was tough finding enough guys to fill out the Major League Baseball All Star lineup?

* George Takei, aka Sulu from "Star Trek," has endorsed a Hawaii Democrat for U.S. Senate. A savvy public is waiting to hear from Spock and the guy who played Scotty before casting their votes.

* Rick Santorum has questioned President Obama's competence. Good news, Iowans: This means Santorum may be gearing up to run for president and will be moving back to Ankeny.

* German President Joachim Gauck is boycotting the Sochi Winter Olympics for political reasons. I'm taking a similar stand: I'll be boycotting all curling events so I don't die of boredom.

* Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford may get his own radio show. If it's sports talk radio, he'll be the most laid-back host in the business.

* Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich wants a new trial. I'm against it purely because no one wants to see what his hair looks like after two years in prison.

* A top secret document reveals the NSA monitored how often Americans visited pornographic websites. How did it have time to do anything else?

* Journey guitarist Neal Schon and Michaele Salahi, one of the former White House gatecrashers, had a pay-per-view wedding. Is it just me, or do thousands of strangers paying $14.95 to watch your nuptials sort of take some of the romance out of the day?

* Couldn't they choose something a tad more romantic than a pay-per-view wedding? Say, getting hitched by an Elvis impersonator at a Reno drive-thru chapel?

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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