Breaking Brad: All I want from Santa is Justin Bieber to retire -
Published Thursday, December 19, 2013 at 1:30 pm / Updated at 2:15 pm
Breaking Brad: All I want from Santa is Justin Bieber to retire

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning column.

* Justin Bieber said he's retiring. This is already having an impact. The average retirement age in the U.S. has dropped from about 66 to 57.

* So far, Dennis Rodman's trip to North Korea has gone better than expected. World War III hasn't erupted yet.

* In North Korea, Dennis Rodman is scheduled to make small talk and avoid political issues. In the U.S., that's called "most any congressional campaign."

* The Senate's holiday recess could be delayed to approve some Obama nominees. As soon as everyone in the Senate gets a handle on this, I look for the nominees to be approved in 3.3 seconds.

* Barbara Walters' "Most Fascinating Person of 2013"? Hillary Clinton. Joe Biden is demanding a recount.

* The Fort Calhoun nuclear plant will restart. With any luck, they'll get it going in time for flood season.

* There's a new item for Christmas: an inflatable Santa suit that appears to add 50 pounds to the wearer's frame. This is actually about 10 pounds less than the average American gains over the holidays.

* Upon his retirement, Roy Halladay bought a full-page newspaper ad to thank Philadelphia fans. I'm guessing it read, "Without your hurled profanities and merciless taunting of opponents, I never could have accomplished my dream."

* A Texas newspaper reporter claims someone representing Nebraska contacted Mack Brown. Imagine Nebraska hiring the old University of Texas football coach? It'd be like Uga IX rooting for Auburn.

* Florida State QB Jameis Winston, 19, became the youngest Heisman Trophy winner ever. He was texting during his acceptance speech.

* To try to stop Cristiano Ronaldo in a World Cup qualifying match, someone employed a Ronaldo "voodoo doll." A desperate Purdue football coach asked: "Well? Did it work?"

* No one purchased Michael Jordan's 56,000-square-foot home at an auction. No wonder Jordan always felt at home on the court. He was playing in arenas smaller than his house.

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Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: How much would you pay for a corn dog?
The Arizona Diamondbacks have a new concession item: a $25 corn dog. For that kind of money, it should be stuffed with Bitcoin.
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In East Lansing, Mich., a pothole repair crew got stuck inside a pothole. How did this not happen in Omaha?
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How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
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