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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* "The Voice" crowned a new champion Tuesday. Spoiler alert: The winner was someone you will probably never hear from again.
* The show featured the traditional ceremony, where the winner is crowned and then falls off the face of the Earth.
* The Gretna couple who shared half the $122 million Powerball lottery held a press conference Tuesday. Apparently, they plan to use most of the money to buy an Obamacare policy.
* A researcher claims he can translate "dolphin talk" into human language. Now, he's preparing for an even more daunting challenge: deciphering what Bob Dylan was singing about on his last four albums.
* Brad Pitt turns 50 on Wednesday. He had a huge party; he invited all of his kids.
* As if it isn't tough enough for middle-aged men, now, they're gonna be compared to Brad Pitt.
* Michelle Obama has revealed that President Obama sings in the bathroom. It's awkward because there are usually 10 tea party members and 14 Fox News reporters outside the bathroom door, criticizing the president's crooning.
* Typically after attending Democratic fundraisers, Obama likes to sing the Pink Floyd classic "Money."
* The Huffington Post obtained leaked documents portraying the Obama administration in a negative light. The Huffington Post! Now, Obama's being betrayed by family.
* Police in Clinton, S.C., apprehended a "shoplifting dog" who was taking pigs' ears from a Dollar General and burying them out back. The police chief called a press conference to announce "Clinton, South Carolina's most wanted fugitive is off the streets."
* Someone representing NU sent a feeler to Mack Brown, according to a Texas newspaper. Imagine Nebraska hiring the University of Texas football coach? That's like Ralphie the Buffalo leading Colorado State onto the field.
* Someone paid $10,877.77 in an auction for World Series MVP David Ortiz's beard shavings. You know you're too into sports when you find yourself bidding at an auction for ballplayer whiskers.
* A member of driver Ty Dillon's pit crew has been suspended for throwing a sledgehammer at a rival driver's truck. When are officials in sports going to stop calling all these nitpicking violations?
* The NHL signed a $5.2 billion deal with Canadian TV's Rogers Communications. To give you an idea how important hockey is in Canada, the NHL commissioner negotiated directly with the prime minister.
* In a new memoir, Usain Bolt claims his success is due to eating 100 McNuggets a day. All of a sudden, all the past Olympic champions who claimed they won their gold medals because they ate high-sugar breakfast cereals don't seem so stupid.