Breaking Brad: Bruno Mars is coming! Wait, who's that? -
Published Tuesday, December 17, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 12:58 pm
Breaking Brad: Bruno Mars is coming! Wait, who's that?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* On Tuesday it was announced that Bruno Mars is coming to Omaha this summer. If you think Bruno Mars will be appearing at the UNO planetarium I'd suggest brushing up on your current pop music knowledge.

* On April 10, the group KISS will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The group is perhaps best known for "I wanna rock 'n' roll all night, and party every day." Which also happens to be the official slogan of the mayor of Toronto.

* Listen up everyone who quit your job on Tuesday because you're certain you're going to win the $586 million Mega Millions jackpot – I have some sobering statistics for you.

* The Mega Millions jackpot is up around $600 million. If I win, I plan to use the money to pay my MUD bill.

* The U.S. Senate confirmed Jeh Johnson as new Homeland Security chief. Not wanting to waste any time, he immediately got to work and confiscated everyone's nail clippers.

* Journey guitarist Neal Schon has married former "Real Housewives of D.C." star Michaele Salahi in the first pay-per-view wedding. Any thinking person is immediately nauseated after reading that sentence.

* It cost $14.95 to watch the pay-per-view wedding. I had a better use for my $14.95 – I flushed it down the nearest toilet.

* In the U.K., a 97-year-old man has married a 90-year-old woman. Cradle robber!

* He successfully carried her over the threshold, so it's all downhill from here.

* The bride wore something old – her birth certificate.

* In a sign of the times, the couple has an ironclad prenup.

* In Philadelphia, a man has been charged for driving over the museum steps that Sylvester Stallone ran up in the first “Rocky” movie. He's accused of desecrating the memory of the first “Rocky,” only not as much as “Rocky II” through “Rocky Balboa.”

* Of course, in Omaha if you see a car driving up museum steps you know it's just another detour.

* ESPN ranked the top 100 NFL players. I'm just glad that Bill Simmons didn't rank 'em – instead of just 100, it'd be the all-time top 7,000 in reverse alphabetical order.

* Dwight Howard said he was inspired to leave the Lakers by a scene in the Batman movie “The Dark Knight Rises.” Not only that, I'm pretty sure Howard learned his free throw technique from watching the Riddler.

* The Chicago White Sox signed a Cuban defector named Jose Abreu. He's listed as 26 years old, so we know he's in his mid-50s.

* There were two pieces of bad news for the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday. Dez Bryant left the field early and Tony Romo didn't.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Teen who worked as a cook is killed in shooting at Benson's Gallagher Park
Sweet deal on suite use has MECA board looking at written rules
Finally. Spring expected to return, stick around. No, really: Warmer-than-average weather in forecast
Home alone: When burglar broke in, 12-year-old locked herself in bathroom, called 911
City Council OKs redevelopment plan for north downtown project
Inmate accused of partially tearing off another's testicles charged with assault
Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
Lawyer: Man had right to hand out religious fliers outside Pinnacle Bank Arena
Firefighters put out duplex blaze in N.W. Omaha
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
Coffee with a Cop set for Thursday in Benson
In TV ad, Shane Osborn says Ben Sasse 'beholden to Washington'
Douglas County offices accepting credit, debit cards
Ben Sasse raises more money than U.S. Senate foes Shane Osborn and Sid Dinsdale
Parched Omaha soil soaks up record precipitation
Engineering student harnesses girl power, starts engineering-science club at Gomez Elementary
WB Dodge Street lane closed
Ex-Omaha Mayor Hal Daub endorses Shane Osborn for U.S. Senate seat
New Doane College program promises free tuition for first class
No more last-minute hiring of Omaha Public Schools teachers
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Lunar eclipse was visible in the Omaha area
2 arrested in west Omaha hotel TV thefts
You can tape a cable TV access show at new city-built studio in Omaha
< >
Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
Breaking Brad: Next year, Bo Pelini brings a mountain lion to the spring game
Before the spring game, Bo Pelini carried a cat onto the field. With Bo's personality, it'd have been more appropriate for him to carry a mountain lion.
Breaking Brad: Bo Pelini's cat lets spring game intro go to its head
Coach Bo Pelini took the field before the spring game holding a cat aloft. Typical cat. He was undoubtedly thinking, “Sixty thousand people, all cheering for me!”
Kelly: 3 former Nebraskans all take seats at the table of international diplomacy
Three former residents of the Cornhusker State are working together at the U.S. Embassy in Paris, and one took part in a recent high-level meeting about Ukraine.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
$25 for a $50 gift card to use at Schweser's!
Buy Now
< >
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »