Breaking Brad: Bruno Mars is coming! Wait, who's that? - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, December 17, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 12:58 pm
Breaking Brad: Bruno Mars is coming! Wait, who's that?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* On Tuesday it was announced that Bruno Mars is coming to Omaha this summer. If you think Bruno Mars will be appearing at the UNO planetarium I'd suggest brushing up on your current pop music knowledge.

* On April 10, the group KISS will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The group is perhaps best known for "I wanna rock 'n' roll all night, and party every day." Which also happens to be the official slogan of the mayor of Toronto.

* Listen up everyone who quit your job on Tuesday because you're certain you're going to win the $586 million Mega Millions jackpot – I have some sobering statistics for you.

* The Mega Millions jackpot is up around $600 million. If I win, I plan to use the money to pay my MUD bill.

* The U.S. Senate confirmed Jeh Johnson as new Homeland Security chief. Not wanting to waste any time, he immediately got to work and confiscated everyone's nail clippers.

* Journey guitarist Neal Schon has married former "Real Housewives of D.C." star Michaele Salahi in the first pay-per-view wedding. Any thinking person is immediately nauseated after reading that sentence.

* It cost $14.95 to watch the pay-per-view wedding. I had a better use for my $14.95 – I flushed it down the nearest toilet.

* In the U.K., a 97-year-old man has married a 90-year-old woman. Cradle robber!

* He successfully carried her over the threshold, so it's all downhill from here.

* The bride wore something old – her birth certificate.

* In a sign of the times, the couple has an ironclad prenup.

* In Philadelphia, a man has been charged for driving over the museum steps that Sylvester Stallone ran up in the first “Rocky” movie. He's accused of desecrating the memory of the first “Rocky,” only not as much as “Rocky II” through “Rocky Balboa.”

* Of course, in Omaha if you see a car driving up museum steps you know it's just another detour.

* ESPN ranked the top 100 NFL players. I'm just glad that Bill Simmons didn't rank 'em – instead of just 100, it'd be the all-time top 7,000 in reverse alphabetical order.

* Dwight Howard said he was inspired to leave the Lakers by a scene in the Batman movie “The Dark Knight Rises.” Not only that, I'm pretty sure Howard learned his free throw technique from watching the Riddler.

* The Chicago White Sox signed a Cuban defector named Jose Abreu. He's listed as 26 years old, so we know he's in his mid-50s.

* There were two pieces of bad news for the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday. Dez Bryant left the field early and Tony Romo didn't.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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