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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Someone climbed a fence in a central Omaha neighborhood and stole an 8-foot conifer fir that's likely being used as a Christmas tree. This is when you know somebody doesn't have a grasp on the true meaning of Christmas – they steal a tree.
* Gov. Dave Heineman is scheduled to present the check to the Gretna couple that won a share of the $122 million Powerball lottery. Sure, Heineman knows the couple now undoubtedly agrees with him that taxes are too high.
* After receiving a rare snowstorm, leaders in the Middle East are reaching out to experts in snow removal for advice on removing it. Somehow I'm guessing the City of Omaha won't be getting a call.
* The U.S. Senate confirmed Jeh Johnson as the new secretary of Homeland Security. If I was on the Senate committee, before he could be approved Johnson would've had to remove his shoes and belt and undergo a pat-down.
* Dennis Rodman is expected to help train the North Korean basketball team. A little different: Anyone who misses a layup is sentenced to 20 years in a labor camp.
* Days after having his uncle executed, Kim Jong Un has promoted his aunt. Execute the uncle, promote the aunt. This is the worst equal opportunity program in history.
* President Obama's approval rating has dropped to an all-time low. When he arrives in Hawaii for his Christmas vacation he's going to be charged for a lei.
* According to a report, the Washington Redskins may be about to fire Mike Shanahan. This means John Boehner will be the only guy left who's able to mysteriously maintain a year-round tan in Washington, D.C.
* In a recent interview, Boehner rejected the notion of a do-nothing Congress. Then he urged the interviewer to keep it down because House members were enjoying their 11 a.m. siesta.
* I read that Hillary Clinton is sharing her life story. Oh, yeah – she's running for president.
* The Mega Millions jackpot is now up to $586 million. Every time you turn around it goes up. It's like OPPD rates.
* Everyone's talking about that event where the odds of success are a billion to one. That's right, Congress is close to agreeing on a budget bill.
* Journey guitarist Neal Schon has married “Real Housewives of D.C.” star Michaele Salahi in a pay-per-view wedding that cost $14.95 to watch. Hey, I expect more from a member of Journey and a star of “Real Housewives of ” ... well, I expect more from a member of Journey.
* The odds of me paying $14.95 to watch this wedding are significantly worse than those of any one ticket winning the Mega Millions drawing. * The TSA found $531,395.22 in loose change last year. Most of it from airline ticket agents holding passengers upside down by their ankles and shaking them to get extra money to check luggage.
* Soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo has launched his new underwear line. A fan at the event said Cristiano should be taken seriously as an athlete. Maybe not the best venue to make your case, eh?
* According to a study, the fans of losing NFL teams are more likely to get fat. I can picture that next pregame pep talk. “Don't win for me. Don't win for the assistant coaches. Do it for our fans, so they don't put on 80 pounds.”