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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* Pete Festersen has dropped out of Nebraska's second-district congressional race. The whole thing seems ridiculous and irrational ... until you remember that Festersen is a member of the Omaha City Council. Then, it begins to make sense.
* One of the reasons Festersen gave for quitting is that he's busy with his City Council duties. This may be the first time a candidate for U.S. Congress withdrew to focus on a vote on whether to approve a new leaf blower for City Hall.
* Miley Cyrus is one of 10 finalists for Time magazine's "Person of the Year." I'd be less surprised if Levi Johnston won the Pulitzer Prize in literature.
* Miley Cyrus is a finalist for Time's "Person of the Year"? It's like learning the inventor of the Egg Genie just won the Nobel Prize in science.
* According to reports, Selena Gomez cursed and stormed off stage at the Jingle Ball concert in Los Angeles. Well, she actually just lip-synced to a previously recorded curse word.
* If this doesn't put you in a holiday frame of mind, I don't know what will.
* Every year, a group of people in Delaware come together with homemade contraptions to see who can launch a pumpkin the farthest. I initially mistook the video for a documentary on the North Korean space program.
* The Washington Redskins' owner and head coach are at odds. The acrimony in Washington, D.C., is so bad, it's spilled over into football.
* Legendary Chicago Bears linebacker Dick Butkus turned 71 on Monday. He celebrated by sacking the Dallas Cowboys QB twice on Monday Night Football.
* A record-tying six finalists have been invited to the Heisman Trophy presentation ceremony. Six? Some nights, there aren't that many people watching the NFL Network.
* Among them, the invited candidates have 13 scandals in their background and 37 skeletons in their closets.
* To train, Auburn RB Tre Mason chases squirrels. I guess he used to do prancercise but then decided that looked too stupid.
* Tailgating Florida Gator football fans are riding a mechanical alligator. Hey, I think I just thought of a way to make the College World Series even more of a party.
* LeBron James hosted the Miami Heat at his extravagant 30,000-square-foot mansion for Thanksgiving. The dinner table was so large that every time a player passed the turkey, he got credit for an assist.
* Dale Earnhardt Jr. has won his 11th "Most Popular" driver award. I voted for the guy in front of me driving 5 mph below the speed limit during a snow-packed Omaha commute.