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* Things people new to Omaha say, part XII: “Surely they’ll have all the side streets plowed before the morning rush.”
* Fun news: I saw some kids building a snowman. Not-so-fun news: they were using snow from an unplowed side street.
* Three hours after Gov. Dave Heineman chose a Bellevue businessman to fill a vacancy in the Nebraska Legislature the guy dropped out over concerns he’s unfit to hold office. Normally it takes four hours to realize new legislators are unfit.
* Breaking: Gov. Heineman has vowed to stop vetting candidates by use of a Magic 8 ball.
* Nebraska will play Georgia in a rematch of last year’s postseason game in the Meh Bowl, I mean, the Gator Bowl.
* I think the public has been clamoring for a Nebraska-Georgia rematch with the same intensity it’s demanding a “Sound of Music with Carrie Underwood II.”
* It’s a good deal for Nebraska fans for one big reason. Weather in eastern Nebraska today: High of about 14 degrees with snow packed roads. Weather in Jacksonville today: 83 and sunny.
* Omaha received about three inches of snow on Sunday morning. Obviously after seeing how Omaha commuters drive in snow Mother Nature arranged for it to fall on a weekend.
* After it was apparent that Omaha would receive significant snow local road crews leapt into action - they covered all the orange traffic cones in little Santa suits.
* I read that you can now cook a holiday turkey in the dishwasher. As scientific breakthroughs go, this leaves just a little bit to be desired.
* A family in Australia set s world record by putting up Christmas lights which include 502,165 bulbs. The local power company is donating the electricity for free. So I guess we can all send the bills for our lights to OPPD - no? OK, scratch that.
* The family set a world record for “Most Christmas lights.” It’s like living next door to the Griswolds.
* Breaking: The TV special “Christmas In Washington” has been canceled after three wise men couldn’t be found.
* President Obama lit the National Christmas Tree Friday evening. In homage to tradition Obama resisted the urge to turn it into a Democratic fund-raiser.
* The tree lighting is the first thing that went right for Obama in three months
* However, in a sign of the financial tumult in Washington D.C., before the lighting six “nonessential” elves were laid off.
* President Obama has hit new lows in approval polls. Finally, he has some common ground with Congress.
* Former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is the new leader of the Boy Scouts. For the first time you can get a merit badge in “enemy interrogation.”
* President Obama recently tweeted “Both parties working together to get the job done - it’s what we need in Washington.” I’ll suggest the following hashtags: #pipedream, #LOL, and #sarcasm.
* After a police chase in Colombia, South Carolina a car ended up on a home’s roof. Nobody was hurt. I saw footage of a car on a roof and assumed it was an Omaha commuter driving to work in the snow.