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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* On the Husker Sports Network, Sean Eichorst said he is "darn proud" of the Husker football team and called for an upgrade in some aspects of the fan experience. I think just the fact we've gone from "chicken----" to "darn" is an upgrade.
* Eichorst called for upgrading the fan experience at Memorial Stadium. How about we all get to take turns returning punts?
* One of the most popular articles on Omaha.com today: "How I beat my sinusitis by snorting baby shampoo." Folks, this is what's known as "a slow news day."
* If you missed the article, you'll see it again next year when they pass out the Pulitzer Prizes.
* Joe Biden is representing the U.S. on a trip to China. So Dennis Rodman was unavailable?
* Benson is making an effort to be bicycle-friendly. That's why officials are keeping three inches between all the new bar and grills that open – just enough room for a bike to squeeze through.
* The Huffington Post named Omaha one of 20 cities you should visit in your 20s. You know, before most people are old enough to start paying property taxes.
* According to an expert, spying a bargain while shopping causes our brains to release a chemical that gives us pleasure. The same satisfaction our forefathers got from the birth of a baby cow we now get from buying 20 percent off bed sheets.
* The FCC is considering lifting the ban on airline passengers using cellphones. Instead, why don't they bring back something less annoying to other passengers, say, smoking on the plane. * The Obama administration is cautioning that healthcare.gov still isn't perfect. This strikes me as similar to a movie studio announcing that the next Arnold Schwarzenegger acting performance “may not be Oscar caliber.”
* I saw an article about how President Obama is pushing for a $100 million HIV research initiative. Beside that was an article with the headline: “Apple Spends $200 million To Buy Social Media Startup Topsy.” This pretty much encapsulates the world today.
* Urban Meyer said he won't suspend two Buckeyes players ejected for fighting in the game against Michigan for the Big Ten championship game. With national title game berth on the line, I get the impression they could have set the Michigan mascot on fire and still played.
* Peyton Manning wears a glove on his throwing hand. In order to even things up with the rest of the league, he should be required to wear an oven mitt.
* Michael Phelps has taken the first step back toward competing in the 2016 Olympic Games by rejoining the U.S. drug testing program. This, after Lance Armstrong graciously said: “He can have my place.”