Breaking Brad: Obama pardons turkeys, not a goose in sight -
Published Thursday, November 28, 2013 at 4:18 pm / Updated at 6:54 pm
Breaking Brad: Obama pardons turkeys, not a goose in sight

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

* President Obama pardoned the White House turkeys. The way things have been going for Obama lately I was expecting several glitches. An aide shows up with the wrong birds. “Not geese, Sebelius, turkeys!”

* This Thanksgiving I missed Paula Deen and her bacon, pork rind and grits stuffing.

* The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade annually features giant hedgehogs, giant squirrels and giant rabbits. In a sign of the times, a small child looked up at his daddy and asked: “Steroids?”

* I think every American shares the same goal going into Thanksgiving dinner: To avoid getting the seat next to Grandpa and spending the next two hours hearing about his gallbladder operation.

* Kanye West said he's not going to mention President Obama's name in public any more. To put into context Obama's falling approval - Joe Biden said, “Me neither.”

* The “Judge Judy” program is suing a man who allegedly has been putting episodes of the show up on YouTube without permission. I can only hope they get a cranky, irritable, short-tempered judge who enjoys telling them off every eight seconds.

* The “Judge Judy” case has been dragging on since 2006. What? You mean every court case can't be resolved in 13 minutes?

* Of all the alternate uniforms I've seen this season, I rank the Pittsburgh Steelers "bumblebee uniforms" the worst. They looked like something the sheriff of Maricopa County, Ariz., would dress his inmates in to punish them.

* Nebraska made a list of college football teams with the most beloved fan bases. I believe it was the article about the guy who was buried wearing his rubber corncob head that did the trick.

* There's a rumor that Ashton Kutcher will attend Friday's Iowa-Nebraska game. The rumors are out of control. While in town, Kutcher is supposedly going to interview to replace Bo Pelini.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

State Department moves to delay Keystone XL pipeline decision
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
Friday's attendance dips at Millard West after bathroom threat
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
High court denies death row appeal of cult leader convicted of murder
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
Omaha judge reprimanded for intervening in peer attorney's DUI case
Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
Police seek public's help in finding an armed man
Saturday forecast opens window for gardening; Easter egg hunts look iffy on Sunday
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
A voice of experience: Ex-gang member helps lead fight against Omaha violence
Church is pressing its case for old Temple Israel site
OPPD board holding public forum, open house May 7
The thrill of the skill: Omaha hosts statewide contest for students of the trades
A recap of what got done — and what didn't — in the 2014 legislative session
When judge asks, Nikko Jenkins says ‘I killed them’
Nancy's Almanac, April 17, 2014: Trees save money
'The war is not over,' Chambers says, but legislative session about is
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
Teen killed at Gallagher Park was shot in head as he sat in SUV, friend who was wounded says
< >
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
Kelly: Creighton's McDermotts put good faces on an Omaha tradition
A comical roast Wednesday night in Omaha brought fans of Creighton basketball laughter by the bucketful. This time it was McJokes, not McBuckets, that entertained the Bluejay crowd.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
< >
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »