Breaking Brad: Obama pardons turkeys, not a goose in sight - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, November 28, 2013 at 4:18 pm / Updated at 6:54 pm
Breaking Brad: Obama pardons turkeys, not a goose in sight

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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* President Obama pardoned the White House turkeys. The way things have been going for Obama lately I was expecting several glitches. An aide shows up with the wrong birds. “Not geese, Sebelius, turkeys!”

* This Thanksgiving I missed Paula Deen and her bacon, pork rind and grits stuffing.

* The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade annually features giant hedgehogs, giant squirrels and giant rabbits. In a sign of the times, a small child looked up at his daddy and asked: “Steroids?”

* I think every American shares the same goal going into Thanksgiving dinner: To avoid getting the seat next to Grandpa and spending the next two hours hearing about his gallbladder operation.

* Kanye West said he's not going to mention President Obama's name in public any more. To put into context Obama's falling approval - Joe Biden said, “Me neither.”

* The “Judge Judy” program is suing a man who allegedly has been putting episodes of the show up on YouTube without permission. I can only hope they get a cranky, irritable, short-tempered judge who enjoys telling them off every eight seconds.

* The “Judge Judy” case has been dragging on since 2006. What? You mean every court case can't be resolved in 13 minutes?

* Of all the alternate uniforms I've seen this season, I rank the Pittsburgh Steelers "bumblebee uniforms" the worst. They looked like something the sheriff of Maricopa County, Ariz., would dress his inmates in to punish them.

* Nebraska made a USAtoday.com list of college football teams with the most beloved fan bases. I believe it was the article about the guy who was buried wearing his rubber corncob head that did the trick.

* There's a rumor that Ashton Kutcher will attend Friday's Iowa-Nebraska game. The rumors are out of control. While in town, Kutcher is supposedly going to interview to replace Bo Pelini.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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