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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* On Wednesday, President Obama pardoned the White House Thanksgiving turkey, Popcorn, who won a vote over the runner-up, Caramel. Popcorn and Caramel? We're so obsessed with food on Thanksgiving that we're naming animals Popcorn and Caramel.
* The American public voted for Popcorn to be pardoned over Caramel. In a sad sign of the times, Sen. Ted Cruz filibustered for 14 hours to delay a vote.
* Americans chose the official White House turkey in an online vote. I'm just glad Kathleen Sebelius wasn't in charge of the voting website or we wouldn't know the name of the White House Thanksgiving turkey until next Labor Day.
* Again this year there are widespread, weather-related travel delays. It may be time to move Thanksgiving to June.
* The good news is, with the strong winds back East, the floats in the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Day should pass by in about two minutes. "There goes Sonic the Hedgehog!"
* On Thursday, Omahans will be dining on their favorite Thanksgiving meal – bacon, with all the trimmings.
* On his three-day West Coast trip, President Obama discussed Obamacare success stories. It's unclear what he did with the leftover 71 hours and 59 minutes.
* Santa is going to be appearing at Crossroads Mall on weekends. Crossroads Santa feels a little like Tom Hanks in “Castaway.”
* To keep him company, Crossroads Santa is getting a ball named Wilson.
* Thieves stole 304,128 cans of Red Bull from a warehouse in Florida. Police plan to nab them as soon as they fall asleep, sometime in 2015.
* Thieves stole 304,128 cans of Red Bull. I guess the getaway car just passed the Mars rover.
* Mike Tyson has a new autobiography. I was looking for a light, fun read.
* I wouldn't look for the Tyson autobiography on the list of “Best Beach Reads.”
* Tyson now says he was high on drugs during several fights. I'm guessing he wasn't exactly sober when he signed that contract with Don King, either.
* A feel-good story: a U.S. Marine returned home from duty early and surprised his family on the field at a Detroit Lions game. Unfortunately, after he ran to hug them, the NFL called "targeting” and “leading with the head” and sent everybody home.