Breaking Brad: Field in Nebraska governor's race narrowed to 289 - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, November 27, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 9:32 am
Breaking Brad: Field in Nebraska governor's race narrowed to 289

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Omaha City Council members who voted in favor of extending voting rights to those living outside the city have withdrawn their support. This, after introspection and deep thought ... who am I kidding? They realized it was unpopular and could jeopardize their shot at re-election.

* State Sen. Annette Dubas has withdrawn from the Nebraska governor's race. Which was a huge shock to most Nebraskans who had no idea Annette Dubas was in the Nebraska governor's race.

* Oh, no. This means we're down to only 289 gubernatorial candidates.

* Thanksgiving is a traditional time for Americans to come together in the spirit of peace and fellowship to give thanks. And then, to turn on TV and watch a Detroit Lion pull some guy's leg off.

* The “comet of the century” may be visible on Thanksgiving. Of course, the average American won't see it unless it flies through Kohl's.

* The shortage of large Butterball turkeys this year is due to farmers being unable to fatten up their birds. I have three words for these farmers: “drive through lane.”

* The average family Thanksgiving dinner will cost $49.04 this year, 44 cents less than 2012. The average cost is brought down by all the people dining on Thanksgiving Spam so they can afford their Obamacare policies.

* Many turkeys have been bred to have such large breasts they can't even stand. Same thing with the Kardashians.

* In a sign of the times, a 400-foot needle is being stuck atop a Christmas tree in New York City so it can technically be the tallest tree in the nation, surpassing one in Chicago.

* President Obama just returned from a trip to San Francisco and Hollywood. On Thursday he'll give thanks he didn't see one conservative.

* The real reason Obama was in California? He wanted to personally present Kobe Bryant with his first tax bill after signing that $48.5 million contract.

* Brazil just held a best butt contest. This is the South American version of our congressional midterms.

* President Obama's approval rating is at an all-time low. Obama has a new strategy. He's going to start hanging around the mayor of Toronto so he looks good in comparison.

* The first luxury ski resort has opened in North Korea. A little different. Anyone who falls on the bunny hill will be imprisoned for two years.

* So far the resort has proven to be wildly popular, mostly because the ski lift chairs are larger than the North Korean apartments.

* After last week's game, a Penn State fan reportedly threw eggs at Huskers. Hey, man, this is a team that used to dodge ice balls from Colorado fans; players don't fear your eggs.

* Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie, who has 10 children with eight different women, has undergone a vasectomy, according to a new book. Economic experts promptly lowered expectations for Father's Day spending.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Police ID body found near 36th, Seward Streets
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World champion Crawford's promoter working to have title defense at CenturyLink Center
Hail, strong winds, heavy rain hit south-central Nebraska
Video: Stothert says Crossroads project is 'full speed ahead,' but she won't support bond issue
'Fairly old' human skull found in Mills County
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
Omaha crash victim, 19, had touched many lives
Firefighters take on 'fully engulfed barn fire'
Council Bluffs school board approves new district headquarters
Officials announce effort to lure more veterans to Nebraska
SB 132nd Street lane closed
Shane Osborn grabs several endorsements
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Omaha area may get 1 inch of rain tonight
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
Waitress who served alcohol to teen before fatal crash gets jail time, probation
Owners of exotic dance bar deny prostitution allegations
More Nebraskans are electing to vote early
A day after Ricketts endorsement, Ted Cruz backs Sasse for Senate
Some city streets remain closed
Nebraska's U.S. Senate candidates stick to familiar topics at Omaha forum
19-year-old killed in one-vehicle crash at 72nd & Shirley
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COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Nebraska GOP candidates unified against naked squirrels
Some of these Nebraska campaigns are tilting pretty far right. At a recent forum, there was a consensus that we need to ban public dancing and clothe naked squirrels in public parks.
Breaking Brad: Inside the mind of a 99-year-old real estate agent
I saw an article about a 99-year-old real estate agent who's still working. “This house is extra special. It has indoor toilets!”
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
Breaking Brad: Even Chuck Hassebrook's throwing mud!
The Nebraska campaigns have turned so ugly, Democrat Chuck Hassebrook lobbed unfounded accusations at an imaginary opponent.
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