Breaking Brad: Al Gore goes vegan just in time for Thanksgiving -
Published Tuesday, November 26, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 1:41 pm
Breaking Brad: Al Gore goes vegan just in time for Thanksgiving

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* Michele Bachmann said she lost her health coverage under Obamacare. So Obama told Democrats: “See? It's working.”

* Hillary Clinton appears to be gearing up to seek the Democratic presidential nomination. She and Bill are referring to our health care plan as “Bidencare.”

* An American abandoned his quest to fly across the Atlantic Ocean using helium-filled balloons. Ironically, he had a ticket to fly coach over Thanksgiving but using balloons was faster and more comfortable.

* Katy Perry criticized celebrities who show too much skin. Katy Perry criticizing people for showing too much skin is akin to Miley Cyrus criticizing Gene Simmons for sticking his tongue out.

* In his new autobiography Mike Tyson claims he used a fake penis filled with someone else's urine to beat drug tests. After hearing this Lance Armstrong shouted, “Fake penis! I knew I forgot something.”

* Imagine being the guy hired to fill that? “What do I do? I work for the champ.”

* Ohio State coach Urban Meyer called the BCS system “flawed.” Then, I assume, he went on to point out that the North Korean presidential election system is “imperfect.”

* The San Francisco 49ers new stadium will feature an app notifying fans how long the lines are for the restroom. Call me crazy, but wouldn't it have been better if they took the money spent designing the app and used it to build a extra bathroom?

* Four NFL centers are endorsing a new line of moisturized men's butt wipes. Let me check the list of “Signs You May Need a New Agent.” Yep, here it is, number one: “You're offered a deal endorsing moisturized butt wipes.”

* In the new movie “Delivery Man” Vince Vaughn plays a man who fathered 533 children. Spoiler alert: the movie ends when he's drafted by an NBA team.

* While taping a show for the Golf Channel Chi Chi Rodriguez tried to break a pane of glass 25 yards away. Instead, the ball ricocheted back and hit him in the groin. This means A-Rod had only the second worst week of any athlete named “Rodriguez.”

* This is in the news - Al Gore has become a vegan. Displaying his usual sense of timing Gore goes vegan the week of Thanksgiving.

* President Obama is about to pardon the two White House Thanksgiving turkeys. It's just a good thing a hunter like Dick Cheney never got to be president. Instead of a presidential pardon we'd hear "Pull!"

* While he's in in L.A. Obama visited the home of the creators of the sitcom "Friends." Healthcare is a mess, there's fear Iran may back out of the historic nuclear deal, and what's Obama doing? Sitting around going: "I feel the character of Ross was, for the most part, underutilized."

* Thanksgiving night the annual Holiday of Lights kicks off in downtown Omaha. A million lights go up. My favorite part is when the OPPD executives show up with the dollar signs in their eyes.

* Because the Omaha Holiday Lights Festival is in the Gene Leahy Mall, instead of a sleigh Santa will be using an off-road vehicle to get through the mud.

* Bill Engvall was eliminated from the final four on "Dancing with the Stars." I'm starting to think it's not a true test of dancing ability. Engvall was cut "because his last name is too hard to pronounce."

* Answer: "1,000 to zero." Question: "What kind of a lead would Peyton Manning need to take into the second half against a Tom Brady team to win the game?"

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Arrest made in teen's shooting death at Benson's Gallagher Park
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Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
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Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
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Section of 50th Street to close for bridge demolition
18-year-old arrested in stolen-car case
U.S. Senate candidate Bart McLeay trails his 3 GOP rivals in fundraising
86-year-old Holdrege man killed in weekend collision
New police gang intervention specialist knows firsthand about getting involved with wrong crowd
Finally. Spring expected to return. No, really: Warmer-than-average weather in forecast
Four, including Omahan, vie for police chief position in Council Bluffs
In TV ad, Shane Osborn says Ben Sasse 'beholden to Washington'
City Council OKs redevelopment plan for north downtown project
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Home alone: When burglar broke in, 12-year-old locked herself in bathroom, called 911
Nancy's Almanac, April 15, 2014: Where did snow, rain fall?
Ben Sasse raises more money than U.S. Senate foes Shane Osborn and Sid Dinsdale
Sweet deal on suite use has MECA board looking at written rules
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Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
Breaking Brad: Next year, Bo Pelini brings a mountain lion to the spring game
Before the spring game, Bo Pelini carried a cat onto the field. With Bo's personality, it'd have been more appropriate for him to carry a mountain lion.
Breaking Brad: Bo Pelini's cat lets spring game intro go to its head
Coach Bo Pelini took the field before the spring game holding a cat aloft. Typical cat. He was undoubtedly thinking, “Sixty thousand people, all cheering for me!”
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