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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* We passed the 16,000 milestone. That's how many retailers plan to be open on Thanksgiving.
* The University of Nebraska Medical Center ice skating rink will open right after Thanksgiving. Is that a good idea? The first thing Americans do after gaining weight over Thanksgiving is stepping onto ice?
* There is a shortage of large Butterball turkeys this Thanksgiving. Right now the average American is saying: “Can't you give the smaller turkeys steroids or something?”
* To compensate for the lack of large Butterball turkeys the average American is expected to consume 68 pounds of stuffing.
* I'm assuming this shortage is because we ate all the large Butterball turkeys last year.
* This is a big deal in the U.S. I guess when you call the Butterball hotline, a sobbing woman answers the phone going, “We're so sorry.”
* Elton John performed before a sold-out crowd at Lincoln's Pinnacle Bank Arena on Saturday night. Last weekend Omaha's Centurylink Center featured a show sponsored by the Council Bluffs Kennel Club. OK, I gotta give this round to the Pinnacle Bank Arena.
* Elton John wore a red, sequined tuxedo and sunglasses. It was awkward at the Lincoln Airport when he ran into Kenny Bell returning from Penn State wearing the exact same ensemble.
* President Obama achieved the nuclear agreement with Iran after threatening to toughen the economic sanctions by sending Obamacare over there.
* A Colorado man received a letter informing him that his 14-year old Yorkie had registered for Obamacare through the state-run exchange. That's absurd! At 14, the dog should have qualified for Medicare.
* A desperate Kathleen Sebelius said, “That counts! Another enrollee.”
* A wave of Arctic cold air has spread across the United States. It's so cold that on Sunday, NFL fans in the front rows put on shirts.
* It's so cold that at Sunday night's AMAs, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift were wearing clothes.
* On Saturday, Miley Cyrus turned 21. Which means that party ought to really be going good about now.
* The Saturday Nebraska-Penn State matchup was a contest with national significance – if it had been volleyball.
* There's speculation the Huskers may play in the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl. That's how it goes for Nebraska fans. One day you're hoping to be watching the Rose Parade in Pasadena, the next you're thinking instead it'll be 20-foot inflatable wild wings in Tempe.