Breaking Brad: Giant balloon-head activists unite! - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, November 21, 2013 at 2:12 pm / Updated at 12:52 pm
Breaking Brad: Giant balloon-head activists unite!

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning humor column.

* Thursday is the Great American Smokeout, also known as "NO, YOU CAN'T BORROW MY STAPLER!" Day.

* According to a Thursday morning forecast, the snow is expected to begin around 6 p.m. Have the forecasts been so accurate lately that the weather service now has the confidence to time-stamp 'em?

* The Thursday weather forecast included the two scariest words known to humankind: "wintry mix." Number two? "Tax audit." Number three? Probably "Dr. Kardashian."

* Mars rover Curiosity has been sidelined due to "a glitch." Don't tell me Kathleen Sebelius is now in charge of the space program...

* Freshman Rep. Trey Radel pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine. It takes most members of Congress three or four years to learn to make complete fools of themselves, but this guy got it right off the bat.

* As a member of the current Congress, at least he wasn't using one of those drugs that kill brain cells. That could be disastrous.

* The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade will be protested by some animal activists. Also, some "giant balloon-head" activists.

* People are already camping out in front of stores in anticipation of Black Friday. "Star Wars" fans who move into the multiplex a month before a new film opens said: "Are you guys nuts?"

* On a train ride to Delaware recently, Vice President Joe Biden sat next to Whoopi Goldberg. Of course, there were questions like: “What's Barack Obama really like?” That was Biden asking Whoopi.

* There's no truth to the rumors they were negotiating President Obama replacing Jenny McCarthy on “The View.”

* Two convicted felons were elected to the Flint, Mich., City Council, and a dead guy was re-elected mayor of Thompson, Iowa. So, apparently Americans were serious about improving the quality of our elected leaders.

* Tony Allen kicked Chris Paul in the face. After seeing this, Richie Incognito said: “Well, there's always basketball.”

* Rob Ryan's hair has its own Facebook page. The way things are going, Rob Ryan's hair will soon have more friends than the real Rex Ryan.

* Ryan Lochte was injured after being tackled by a teenage female fan. It's just as well he chose swimming over football.

Also from Brad: Who's ready to drive straight into a ditch?

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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