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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Tuesday marks the 150th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address. It was one of the most moving, emotional, cerebral moments in U.S. history. Which, of course, we are observing with a 20 percent off on weed-whackers sale at Sears.
* Today, that speech would begin: "Four score and seven years ago, an American began trying to sign up for Obamacare."
* The Gettysburg Address was 272 words long. In today's terms, that's a little less than a few tweets.
* It takes ESPN's Bill Simmons 275 words to give the score of the Boston game.
* The 45-foot-tall blue spruce Christmas tree made it inside the Durham Museum on Monday. The best news is, this year, they only had to tear down half the museum to get it in.
* John S. McCollister, the former director of an Omaha think tank, announced he's running for the Nebraska Legislature. If McCollister's looking for something completely different from a think tank, he'll find it in the Legislature.
* I've often thought of the Nebraska Legislature as an anti-think tank.
* The U.S. launched a third spacecraft, this one called Maven, to Mars. There are also two European spacecraft there. After arriving, Maven will build the first traffic light on Mars.
* NASA has launched Maven on a 10-month journey to Mars. I'm about to embark on a 10-month journey myself. I'm flying commercial over Thanksgiving.
* A farmer in New Hampshire fed his turkeys beer to add girth. Hey, that's worked out pretty well for football fans.
* On Thanksgiving Day, something called the Feast & Feathers Trail Run 5K will be held in Omaha. Of course, because it's Omaha, the trail includes orange traffic cones and a couple of detours.
* The Nebraska poverty rate is among the lowest in the nation. Obviously, this survey was taken before property taxes were due.
* The Dow Jones industrial average passed the 16,000 milestone Monday. It's unclear at this point if that has something to do with the stock market, or it's how many points Baylor scored Saturday.
* Unfortunately, a couple weeks ago, my broker had me take all my money out of the market and invest in a chain of Blockbuster video stores.
* A 600-yard tunnel was discovered between San Diego and Tijuana. With the Obamacare rollout fiasco and the present U.S. Congress, it's being used by Americans in search of a better way of life sneaking into Mexico.
* Obamacare is being “tweaked.” That strikes me as similar to doing a patch job on the Hindenburg.
* President Obama attended the Oregon State-Maryland basketball game. I feel sorry for the fan who missed it because he spent six hours trying to sign up for Obamacare and finally turned the game on with 30 seconds left, just to see Obama doing the Wave.
* I read that Dick Cheney seems to be enjoying retirement. Like many retirees, Cheney has taken up gardening. A little different: To kill weeds, Cheney hits 'em with a SCUD missile.