To provide perspective on how this season has gone for college football’s downtrodden, the most popular yell squad cheer during the weekend: “At this point, why even bother, clap clap!”
1. Southern Mississippi (0-10): The Golden Eagles vault to No. 1 after a 41-7 drubbing by Florida Atlantic, Southern Mississippi’s 22nd straight loss. Don’t think of it as being No. 1 in the Bottom 10, think of it as sort of a lifetime achievement award.
2. Miami (Ohio) (0-9): Miami lost to Kent State 24-6. The RedHawks appear to have given up on winning a game and seem content to merely score.
3. Massachusetts (1-9): The Minutemen are edged by Akron 14-13 in a game that kept the five people interested in the outcome on the edge of their seats until the end.
4. Western Michigan (1-10): Western Michigan lost to Central Michigan on Saturday. It lost to Eastern Michigan last weekend. The Broncos could actually put together a miserable season without ever leaving the state.
5. Purdue (1-9): Saying that Purdue has had a rough season is like saying that the Miami Dolphins offensive line has experienced some mild dysfunction.
6. Georgia State (0-10): Don’t be too hard on the Panthers, who have only had a program for three years. The team is still operating on a learner’s permit.
7. Connecticut (0-9): In the wake of the Washington Redskins nickname discussion, sled dogs are now demanding that UConn lose the name “Huskies.”
8. California (1-10): The Bears lost to Colorado in Boulder. In the ultimate show of disrespect, Buffaloes fans decided to hold their snowballs for a better team.
9. FIU (1-9): Since the lone FIU victory was over Southern Mississippi, technically the team only has half a win this season.
10. Hawaii (0-10): It appears Hawaii may just be going through the motions. I’m basing this on the offense wearing leis during a potential game-tying drive against San Diego State on Saturday.
Others receiving votes: UAB, Eastern Michigan, pulled groins, “Husker turnover-mania,” Temple, Tulsa, the Kitten Bowl, all TV weathercasters, Iowa State, Kentucky, New Mexico State.