Dear Annie: I have been married for more than 20 years and have never been sexually attracted to my husband. He is a good provider, but there is no passion, no excitement, nothing. I have tried everything I can think of to make sex better, but he acts as if it’s part of my wifely duties, which makes me sick.
I don’t want to break up our home, but I’m in love with a passionate man who just rocks my world.
He kisses me, and I forget my name. Our affair has lasted four years. Why can’t I keep them both?
-- Torn in Tulsa
Dear Torn: It seems you’ve been doing exactly that for four years, but obviously, it’s not enough. Please stop living a dual life and figure out what you want.
If there are young children, you owe it to them to work on your marriage. Get into joint counseling so your husband can work on his Neanderthal attitude toward women and so you can see whether passion can be ignited. If you believe sex is the most important aspect of a marriage, divorce your husband so you can be with Rocks Your World. But having it both ways isn’t working, and you’ll feel better when you deal with this more honestly.
Dear Annie: I was sexually abused by an uncle when I was 12. I am now 35 and expect to see him at an upcoming family reunion. After all these years, I finally wrote him a letter. He will never read it. When he dies, I want to place it in his casket. I hope you will let me share my thoughts:
Dear Uncle: I have a few things that I’ve waited a long time to tell you. Now that you are dead, I am finally happy. I am happy you are burning in hell. God has given me justice. While others are mourning your death, I am celebrating. I will never forgive you for what you did. You stole my childhood from the moment you laid hands on me when I was a 12-year-old child. Your own niece.
When I was a child, I used to think you were a great uncle. I trusted you, respected you, looked up to you, loved you the way a niece should. And when you betrayed me, I was shattered, and I never looked at you the same way.
I have waited a long time for your death so that I could go to your funeral and watch you being lowered into your grave. You are a total disgrace. You are nothing to me. God never should have created you. You had no purpose in life other than to hurt children. You are pathetic. Now that you are dead, I can finally be at peace knowing that you will never again hurt a child.
-- Still Suffering
Dear Still: Thank you for composing a letter that obviously came from a very wounded place. Please don’t wait until your uncle is dead to warn your other relatives and report him to the authorities. Your courage to speak up could protect other children who come into contact with this predator.
And for you and anyone else who has suffered through abuse, please contact RAINN (rainn.org) at 1-800-656-HOPE for support, encouragement and help.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter from “Humiliated Wife,” who said her husband seems to be overly interested in a classmate from his 50th high school reunion. You said her husband is in his “late 70s.” Your math is seriously off.
My 50th high school reunion is this year, and I’m 67. There’s no way he would be older unless he was held back a few years.
-- I Can Add
Dear Add: You are right that we could use a remedial math class. But the advice stands. If the man suddenly ogles every woman and can’t keep his hands off the waitresses, he needs to see his doctor.
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