Breaking Brad: Nebraska Crossing has serious competition in Crossroads - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, November 12, 2013 at 8:54 am / Updated at 9:17 am
Breaking Brad: Nebraska Crossing has serious competition in Crossroads

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Adrian Schuler has won the first “fire hydrant throw” in Switzerland by heaving a 48-pound hydrant 23 feet. That breaks the record for throwing a hydrant of 22 feet, set by Mayor Jean Stothert during negotiations with the fire union.

* It's unseasonably cold across Nebraska. To stay warm, special interest groups are burning Gov. Dave Heineman's latest tax proposal.

* The wind chill in Omaha on Monday evening was 12 degrees with light flurries. OK, last call for birds wanting to go south for the winter. Chop chop.

* Nebraska Crossing Outlets opens Friday and will likely draw shoppers from other malls. It's unclear if it will lure regular shoppers from Crossroads. So, Deb and Steve, the ball's in your court.

* Omaha businessman Dan Frei is the latest challenger to Lee Terry. Incumbent Terry is perceived to be vulnerable, a phrase that I believe was first uttered before the 1964 primary.

* According to a new study, Nebraska is the third best state for young adults. That's great news! One and two are North Dakota and South Dakota. Oh. My enthusiasm is waning only slightly.

* No. 1 is North Dakota, No. 4 is Montana, No. 6 is Hawaii and No. 10 is Utah. Even the smartest person in the world couldn't detect a pattern here.

* Online video of a skydiver landing in a moving convertible has gone viral. And this was actually one of the less hectic Omaha morning commutes.

* I'm trying to confirm the skydiver was heard shouting, “The @#%& carpool's not leaving without me!”

* There is a new expedited security screening at Eppley Airfield. This is where airport security only mentally undresses you.

* Walmart announced it will open at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day. To see that its employees get to enjoy the holiday, Walmart cashiers working 16-hour shifts will be connected to tubes and fed liquified turkey intravenously.

* Walmart has kicked off the holiday shopping season online for people who prefer not to visit stores on Black Friday. Those are formally known as “people not wanting to get squished.”

* Sen. Ted Cruz said the government shutdown was worth it. That was today's Congressional “Say What?” moment.

* A carp that was pulled from Lake Michigan and has its own Twitter account is running for City Council in Ann Arbor. Frankly, if I have a choice of voting for a carp or an incumbent in the current U.S. Congress, I'm going with the carp.

* The carp was going to run for Omaha's City Council, but realized it was overqualified.

* You know who I feel sorry for? The career politician who loses a primary to a carp.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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