Breaking Brad: I've already got Miley Cyrus tickets. OK, that's a lie - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, November 6, 2013 at 2:16 pm / Updated at 2:39 pm
Breaking Brad: I've already got Miley Cyrus tickets. OK, that's a lie

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* Breaking news: On March 6, Miley Cyrus will stop in Omaha on her "Breaking All 10 Commandments Tour." Wait, it's actually called the "Bangerz Tour."

* I haven't looked up "Bangerz" on Urban Dictionary yet, but I'm assuming it means "cover your ears."

* Colorado voters approved a new tax on marijuana Tuesday. After hearing that a new tax could be involved, I look for the Nebraska Legislature, the Omaha City Council and the Douglas County Board of Commissioners to jointly (no pun intended) issue a call for legalized marijuana by this time Friday.

* The World Series of Poker concluded the same day as the mayoral and gubernatorial campaigns around the country. I think we all know which involved the most bluffing.

* Off the coast of East Africa, Britney Spears' CDs are blasted to keep Somali pirates away. That makes for an awkward conversation between star and manager. “Brit, your new record is getting lots of air play.” “Oh, yeah? Where?” Well, sit down.”

* I think they got the idea from me blasting “Andy Williams' Greatest Hits” on Halloween night to steer trick-or-treaters away from my door.

* Initially, they were going to blast Miley Cyrus music to keep pirates at bay, but then realized that could kill wildlife.

* The mayor of Toronto admitted to smoking crack cocaine while wearing an NFL tie. And that's your "Play of the Day."

* Starting in 2015, a new flat-seam baseball will be used at the College World Series. The goal is to increase team batting averages, so they no longer resemble rates on three-month bank CDs.

* Perhaps the heaviest baby thus far in 2013 has been born, weighing in at 14 pounds. He makes his WWE debut Saturday night.

* Pamela Anderson finished the New York City Marathon in 5 hours, 41 minutes and 3 seconds. All the men who finished in 5 hours, 41 minutes and 4 seconds have some explaining to do to their wives.

* I wouldn't say that, due to injuries, there's a lack of depth at wide receiver for the Huskers, but Monday at practice, Harvey Perlman had to suit up.

* Next season, there will be a new “premium tailgating venue” at Husker games. It'll be called “I'm Better Than You” Village.

* According to a new poll, Alaska is among the states with the worst sports fans. Remember that next time you Alaskans are standing in minus-50 degree wind chills at the Iditarod. You stink.

* A Baltimore Ravens receptionist lost her Super Bowl ring in the Chesapeake Bay. A desperate-to-get-a-ring Rex Ryan was seen donning scuba equipment.

* Nik Wallenda walked across a tightrope over Charlotte Motor Speedway. The always-desperate-for-attention Danica Patrick came crawling behind him.

Also from Brad: Happy holidays! Here's your pink slip

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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