Breaking Brad: I've already got Miley Cyrus tickets. OK, that's a lie -
Published Wednesday, November 6, 2013 at 2:16 pm / Updated at 2:39 pm
Breaking Brad: I've already got Miley Cyrus tickets. OK, that's a lie

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* Breaking news: On March 6, Miley Cyrus will stop in Omaha on her "Breaking All 10 Commandments Tour." Wait, it's actually called the "Bangerz Tour."

* I haven't looked up "Bangerz" on Urban Dictionary yet, but I'm assuming it means "cover your ears."

* Colorado voters approved a new tax on marijuana Tuesday. After hearing that a new tax could be involved, I look for the Nebraska Legislature, the Omaha City Council and the Douglas County Board of Commissioners to jointly (no pun intended) issue a call for legalized marijuana by this time Friday.

* The World Series of Poker concluded the same day as the mayoral and gubernatorial campaigns around the country. I think we all know which involved the most bluffing.

* Off the coast of East Africa, Britney Spears' CDs are blasted to keep Somali pirates away. That makes for an awkward conversation between star and manager. “Brit, your new record is getting lots of air play.” “Oh, yeah? Where?” Well, sit down.”

* I think they got the idea from me blasting “Andy Williams' Greatest Hits” on Halloween night to steer trick-or-treaters away from my door.

* Initially, they were going to blast Miley Cyrus music to keep pirates at bay, but then realized that could kill wildlife.

* The mayor of Toronto admitted to smoking crack cocaine while wearing an NFL tie. And that's your "Play of the Day."

* Starting in 2015, a new flat-seam baseball will be used at the College World Series. The goal is to increase team batting averages, so they no longer resemble rates on three-month bank CDs.

* Perhaps the heaviest baby thus far in 2013 has been born, weighing in at 14 pounds. He makes his WWE debut Saturday night.

* Pamela Anderson finished the New York City Marathon in 5 hours, 41 minutes and 3 seconds. All the men who finished in 5 hours, 41 minutes and 4 seconds have some explaining to do to their wives.

* I wouldn't say that, due to injuries, there's a lack of depth at wide receiver for the Huskers, but Monday at practice, Harvey Perlman had to suit up.

* Next season, there will be a new “premium tailgating venue” at Husker games. It'll be called “I'm Better Than You” Village.

* According to a new poll, Alaska is among the states with the worst sports fans. Remember that next time you Alaskans are standing in minus-50 degree wind chills at the Iditarod. You stink.

* A Baltimore Ravens receptionist lost her Super Bowl ring in the Chesapeake Bay. A desperate-to-get-a-ring Rex Ryan was seen donning scuba equipment.

* Nik Wallenda walked across a tightrope over Charlotte Motor Speedway. The always-desperate-for-attention Danica Patrick came crawling behind him.

Also from Brad: Happy holidays! Here's your pink slip

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Man, 21, shot in ankle while walking near 30th, U Streets
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Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
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High court denies death row appeal of cult leader convicted of murder
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
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Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
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Saturday forecast opens window for gardening; Easter egg hunts look iffy on Sunday
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
A voice of experience: Ex-gang member helps lead fight against Omaha violence
Church is pressing its case for old Temple Israel site
OPPD board holding public forum, open house May 7
The thrill of the skill: Omaha hosts statewide contest for students of the trades
A recap of what got done — and what didn't — in the 2014 legislative session
When judge asks, Nikko Jenkins says ‘I killed them’
Nancy's Almanac, April 17, 2014: Trees save money
'The war is not over,' Chambers says, but legislative session about is
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
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Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
Kelly: Creighton's McDermotts put good faces on an Omaha tradition
A comical roast Wednesday night in Omaha brought fans of Creighton basketball laughter by the bucketful. This time it was McJokes, not McBuckets, that entertained the Bluejay crowd.
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