Breaking Brad: Don't give candy to the kid in the Ted Cruz costume - Omaha.com
Published Friday, November 1, 2013 at 10:21 am / Updated at 10:41 am
Breaking Brad: Don't give candy to the kid in the Ted Cruz costume

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* I had one trick-or-treater who wore his costume backward and faced the wrong way on the porch. I said: “Who are you supposed to be?” His response: “The contractor who designed the Obamacare website.”

* To really scare people on Halloween, I dressed as the Huskers' November football schedule.

* I had one trick-or-treater in a tie-dyed T-shirt, who wore shades and blasted Grateful Dead music. I said: “Who are you?” He said: “Carl Pelini.”

* I had one trick-or-treater who was covered head-to-toe with hair. I said, “Ah, Bigfoot.” He said, “Nope, a member of the Boston Red Sox.”

* The most annoying costume was the Ted Cruz. A kid in the Ted Cruz costume says “trick or treat” and then proceeds to deliver an 18-hour speech.

* I had a trick-or-treater in street clothes who volunteered she lived in Sarpy County. I said, “Who are you supposed to be?” Her response: “A MECA board member.”

* I was driving through Benson on Thursday when I saw a guy dressed as a zombie. I said, “Hey, happy Halloween.” He said: “Today is Halloween? I'm on my way to work.”

* Miley Cyrus showed off her risque Halloween costume on the news. Then again, those may have been Miley's normal clothes. It was impossible to tell.

* There was also a George Zimmerman costume. Can we cancel next year's Halloween, effective immediately?

* A new MECA board member has been selected after a series of grueling tests. Well, he had to find Douglas County on a map.

* Omaha's Aksarben Cinema will soon feature a café. Omaha theaters now have restaurants, lounges, game rooms and recliner seating. If they'd just get rid of the movies, these would be nice places to hang.

* You know why Aksarben Cinema is getting a café? Because it's bad to drink on an empty stomach.

* We gain an hour this weekend. This helps make up for the 37 hours we lost last week trying to sign up on HealthCare.Gov.

* HealthCare.Gov was partially offline for 36 consecutive hours Wednesday and Thursday. Americans tried to log on for 36 hours. That's just awful. In that time, we could have downloaded 30 funny cat and 25 burping baby videos.

* The Democrats have gone from Blue States to Blue Screen.

Want more from Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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