Breaking Brad: Don't give candy to the kid in the Ted Cruz costume - Omaha.com
Published Friday, November 1, 2013 at 10:21 am / Updated at 10:41 am
Breaking Brad: Don't give candy to the kid in the Ted Cruz costume

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* I had one trick-or-treater who wore his costume backward and faced the wrong way on the porch. I said: “Who are you supposed to be?” His response: “The contractor who designed the Obamacare website.”

* To really scare people on Halloween, I dressed as the Huskers' November football schedule.

* I had one trick-or-treater in a tie-dyed T-shirt, who wore shades and blasted Grateful Dead music. I said: “Who are you?” He said: “Carl Pelini.”

* I had one trick-or-treater who was covered head-to-toe with hair. I said, “Ah, Bigfoot.” He said, “Nope, a member of the Boston Red Sox.”

* The most annoying costume was the Ted Cruz. A kid in the Ted Cruz costume says “trick or treat” and then proceeds to deliver an 18-hour speech.

* I had a trick-or-treater in street clothes who volunteered she lived in Sarpy County. I said, “Who are you supposed to be?” Her response: “A MECA board member.”

* I was driving through Benson on Thursday when I saw a guy dressed as a zombie. I said, “Hey, happy Halloween.” He said: “Today is Halloween? I'm on my way to work.”

* Miley Cyrus showed off her risque Halloween costume on the news. Then again, those may have been Miley's normal clothes. It was impossible to tell.

* There was also a George Zimmerman costume. Can we cancel next year's Halloween, effective immediately?

* A new MECA board member has been selected after a series of grueling tests. Well, he had to find Douglas County on a map.

* Omaha's Aksarben Cinema will soon feature a café. Omaha theaters now have restaurants, lounges, game rooms and recliner seating. If they'd just get rid of the movies, these would be nice places to hang.

* You know why Aksarben Cinema is getting a café? Because it's bad to drink on an empty stomach.

* We gain an hour this weekend. This helps make up for the 37 hours we lost last week trying to sign up on HealthCare.Gov.

* HealthCare.Gov was partially offline for 36 consecutive hours Wednesday and Thursday. Americans tried to log on for 36 hours. That's just awful. In that time, we could have downloaded 30 funny cat and 25 burping baby videos.

* The Democrats have gone from Blue States to Blue Screen.

Want more from Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
High court denies death row appeal of cult leader convicted of murder
State Department moves to delay Keystone XL pipeline decision
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
Omaha judge reprimanded for intervening in peer attorney's DUI case
Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
Police seek public's help in finding an armed man
Saturday forecast opens window for gardening; Easter egg hunts look iffy on Sunday
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
A voice of experience: Ex-gang member helps lead fight against Omaha violence
Church is pressing its case for old Temple Israel site
OPPD board holding public forum, open house May 7
The thrill of the skill: Omaha hosts statewide contest for students of the trades
A recap of what got done — and what didn't — in the 2014 legislative session
When judge asks, Nikko Jenkins says ‘I killed them’
Nancy's Almanac, April 17, 2014: Trees save money
'The war is not over,' Chambers says, but legislative session about is
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
Teen killed at Gallagher Park was shot in head as he sat in SUV, friend who was wounded says
New UNO center strengthens ties between campus, community
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
Kelly: Creighton's McDermotts put good faces on an Omaha tradition
A comical roast Wednesday night in Omaha brought fans of Creighton basketball laughter by the bucketful. This time it was McJokes, not McBuckets, that entertained the Bluejay crowd.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »