Breaking Brad: Can I join you on that warm seat, Mr. Pelini? - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at 8:08 am / Updated at 11:09 am
Breaking Brad: Can I join you on that warm seat, Mr. Pelini?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* A new member of the MECA board has been selected after an extensive evaluation process. Well, somebody followed him home.

* The original purpose of trick-or-treating was to ward off evil spirits. Of course, instead of warding them off, today we elect our evil spirits to the U.S. Senate.

* Let's not forget the true meaning of trick-or-treating: to get a sugar rush that lasts until sometime in March.

* I have a great Halloween costume. I'm going to cover myself with mud and go as the Gene Leahy Mall.

* To scare people on Halloween, Mayor Stothert is going as the Omaha city budget.

* If you're looking for an economical Halloween costume, consider cutting holes in a paper bag and going as a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan.

* The Macklemore show at the CenturyLink Center on Tuesday night featured flames, confetti and balloons. Only in Omaha is there a fine line between our hip-hop concerts and our Olympic Swim Trials.

* After a semitrailer overturned in Council Bluffs Tuesday morning, about a dozen cattle were roaming I-29. I can picture a motorist driving through Omaha. “I can't wait 'till I get to Iowa, away from all this dang road construction. Ah! Cows in the road.”

* According to CNN Money, the hottest job in the nation is translator. Especially in Washington, D.C. We need people who, when the president says, “you'll be able to keep your current policy,” can translate that into “you probably cannot keep your current policy.”

* According to a new study, the oldest child is usually the smartest and the youngest child the most empathetic. You ever get the feeling we have elected a Congress of middle children?

* It's so cool and wet in eastern Nebraska, several residents asked Bo Pelini if they could join him on the hot seat.

* This Obamacare is ridiculous. Take the NU football program. At various times, it's been reported or speculated that Taylor Martinez has turf toe, a sprained toe, two sprained toes, a broken toe, a separated shoulder, a “dinged” shoulder, a hip pointer, and all or none of the above.

* Suzanne Somers slammed the Affordable Care Act in a Wall Street Journal piece. The general public can trash it -- no big deal. Ditto for the media and Congress. But let a B-level celebrity give a bad review to Obamacare, and this is a call to action for the president.

* The smiling woman on the Obamacare sign-in website is gone. To prepare consumers for the sign-up process, there's now a photo of a snail trying to push a boulder up a mountain.

* If that doesn't cut it, there will be a picture of HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius tearing her hair out.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
A voice of experience: Ex-gang member has helped lead fight against Omaha violence
The thrill of the skill: Omaha hosts statewide contest for students of the trades
Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
'The war is not over,' Chambers says, but legislative session about is
A recap of what got done — and what didn't — in the 2014 legislative session
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
Teen killed at Gallagher Park was shot in head as he sat in SUV, friend who was wounded says
When judge asks, Nikko Jenkins says ‘I killed them’
New UNO center strengthens ties between campus, community
Threat found in Millard West bathroom deemed 'not credible'
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Nebrasks health officials to advertise jobs via drive-thru
Coral Walker named Omaha police officer of the year
Sarah Palin, Mike Lee coming to Nebraska for Ben Sasse rally
Prescription drug drop-off is April 26
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
NB 30th Street lane closed
State Patrol, Omaha police conduct vehicle inspections
Bernie Kanger formally promoted to Omaha fire chief
U.S. House incumbents have deeper pockets than their challengers
Nancy's Almanac, April 17, 2014: Trees save money
Ex-Iowan behind landmark free speech case recounts story in Bellevue
Gov. Heineman signs water bill; sponsor calls it 'landmark legislation'
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
Kelly: Creighton's McDermotts put good faces on an Omaha tradition
A comical roast Wednesday night in Omaha brought fans of Creighton basketball laughter by the bucketful. This time it was McJokes, not McBuckets, that entertained the Bluejay crowd.
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: How much would you pay for a corn dog?
The Arizona Diamondbacks have a new concession item: a $25 corn dog. For that kind of money, it should be stuffed with Bitcoin.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »