Breaking Brad: Can I join you on that warm seat, Mr. Pelini? - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at 8:08 am / Updated at 11:09 am
Breaking Brad: Can I join you on that warm seat, Mr. Pelini?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* A new member of the MECA board has been selected after an extensive evaluation process. Well, somebody followed him home.

* The original purpose of trick-or-treating was to ward off evil spirits. Of course, instead of warding them off, today we elect our evil spirits to the U.S. Senate.

* Let's not forget the true meaning of trick-or-treating: to get a sugar rush that lasts until sometime in March.

* I have a great Halloween costume. I'm going to cover myself with mud and go as the Gene Leahy Mall.

* To scare people on Halloween, Mayor Stothert is going as the Omaha city budget.

* If you're looking for an economical Halloween costume, consider cutting holes in a paper bag and going as a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan.

* The Macklemore show at the CenturyLink Center on Tuesday night featured flames, confetti and balloons. Only in Omaha is there a fine line between our hip-hop concerts and our Olympic Swim Trials.

* After a semitrailer overturned in Council Bluffs Tuesday morning, about a dozen cattle were roaming I-29. I can picture a motorist driving through Omaha. “I can't wait 'till I get to Iowa, away from all this dang road construction. Ah! Cows in the road.”

* According to CNN Money, the hottest job in the nation is translator. Especially in Washington, D.C. We need people who, when the president says, “you'll be able to keep your current policy,” can translate that into “you probably cannot keep your current policy.”

* According to a new study, the oldest child is usually the smartest and the youngest child the most empathetic. You ever get the feeling we have elected a Congress of middle children?

* It's so cool and wet in eastern Nebraska, several residents asked Bo Pelini if they could join him on the hot seat.

* This Obamacare is ridiculous. Take the NU football program. At various times, it's been reported or speculated that Taylor Martinez has turf toe, a sprained toe, two sprained toes, a broken toe, a separated shoulder, a “dinged” shoulder, a hip pointer, and all or none of the above.

* Suzanne Somers slammed the Affordable Care Act in a Wall Street Journal piece. The general public can trash it -- no big deal. Ditto for the media and Congress. But let a B-level celebrity give a bad review to Obamacare, and this is a call to action for the president.

* The smiling woman on the Obamacare sign-in website is gone. To prepare consumers for the sign-up process, there's now a photo of a snail trying to push a boulder up a mountain.

* If that doesn't cut it, there will be a picture of HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius tearing her hair out.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
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