Breaking Brad: Can I join you on that warm seat, Mr. Pelini? -
Published Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at 8:08 am / Updated at 11:09 am
Breaking Brad: Can I join you on that warm seat, Mr. Pelini?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* A new member of the MECA board has been selected after an extensive evaluation process. Well, somebody followed him home.

* The original purpose of trick-or-treating was to ward off evil spirits. Of course, instead of warding them off, today we elect our evil spirits to the U.S. Senate.

* Let's not forget the true meaning of trick-or-treating: to get a sugar rush that lasts until sometime in March.

* I have a great Halloween costume. I'm going to cover myself with mud and go as the Gene Leahy Mall.

* To scare people on Halloween, Mayor Stothert is going as the Omaha city budget.

* If you're looking for an economical Halloween costume, consider cutting holes in a paper bag and going as a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan.

* The Macklemore show at the CenturyLink Center on Tuesday night featured flames, confetti and balloons. Only in Omaha is there a fine line between our hip-hop concerts and our Olympic Swim Trials.

* After a semitrailer overturned in Council Bluffs Tuesday morning, about a dozen cattle were roaming I-29. I can picture a motorist driving through Omaha. “I can't wait 'till I get to Iowa, away from all this dang road construction. Ah! Cows in the road.”

* According to CNN Money, the hottest job in the nation is translator. Especially in Washington, D.C. We need people who, when the president says, “you'll be able to keep your current policy,” can translate that into “you probably cannot keep your current policy.”

* According to a new study, the oldest child is usually the smartest and the youngest child the most empathetic. You ever get the feeling we have elected a Congress of middle children?

* It's so cool and wet in eastern Nebraska, several residents asked Bo Pelini if they could join him on the hot seat.

* This Obamacare is ridiculous. Take the NU football program. At various times, it's been reported or speculated that Taylor Martinez has turf toe, a sprained toe, two sprained toes, a broken toe, a separated shoulder, a “dinged” shoulder, a hip pointer, and all or none of the above.

* Suzanne Somers slammed the Affordable Care Act in a Wall Street Journal piece. The general public can trash it -- no big deal. Ditto for the media and Congress. But let a B-level celebrity give a bad review to Obamacare, and this is a call to action for the president.

* The smiling woman on the Obamacare sign-in website is gone. To prepare consumers for the sign-up process, there's now a photo of a snail trying to push a boulder up a mountain.

* If that doesn't cut it, there will be a picture of HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius tearing her hair out.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Crews working to subdue brush fire that may spread to Fontenelle Forest
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
Omaha police arrest man, 19, accused in March shooting
Earth gets its day in the sun at Elmwood Park
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Keystone XL pipeline backers blast 'political expediency' as foes hail ruling to delay decision
Nebraska senators to study tax issues over break
Portion of Saddle Creek Road closed after water main break
Teenager arrested after woman's purse is snatched outside Omaha store
Police identify 21-year-old shot in ankle near 30th, W Streets
Cult murderer's death row appeal denied, but execution in limbo
Interstate construction to cause lane shifts, closings in Omaha area
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
Friday's attendance dips at Millard West after bathroom threat
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
< >
Dickson’s Week in Review, April 13-19
On Twitter some guy tweeted that the spring game isn’t taken as seriously as a regular-season contest. What was your first clue? When the head coach entered waving a cat aloft?
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Deadline Deal thumbnail
The Jaipur in Rockbrook Village
Half Off Fine Indian Cuisine & Drinks! $15 for Dinner, or $7 for Lunch
Buy Now
< >
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »