Breaking Brad: Cellphone bugging and a 30-year-old gorilla - Omaha.com
Published Monday, October 28, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 10:14 am
Breaking Brad: Cellphone bugging and a 30-year-old gorilla

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* The forecast calls for rain the middle of this week. Even worse: it's expected to clear up in time for trick or treating.

* Omaha Mayor Jean Stothert is reevaluating the plan to build a bridge near TD Ameritrade's Old Mill headquarters. It may be a safety hazard. People on the bridge could look up, say, “Is that building green?!” and fall off.

* For 80 minutes last Thursday night Omaha's 911 emergency call center was down. There's nothing worse than dialing 911 and getting a machine.

* Beginning Monday at 9 a.m. lanes on Leavenworth Street between 39th and 41st streets will be closed. This is to allow workers to decorate the pothole where the city Halloween party is being held.

* Union Pacific Railroad achieved record third quarter financial results. No word if this means Union Pacific will expand its commissary from the size of eight football fields to 25 football fields.

* Mt. Edna in Italy just experienced a surprise eruption. The erupting volcano was on the news — wait, my mistake, that was Bo Pelini addressing his team during the Minnesota game halftime.

* It was Minnesota's first football win over Nebraska since 1960. To put this in perspective, if a U.S. president had called the Minnesota locker room after the game that call would have been placed by Dwight Eisenhower.

* There is some good news about the Husker-Minnesota game. Afterward coaches won a door prize after blaming “a lack of execution” for the 100th time.

* Mo, the gorilla at the Henry Doorly Zoo and Aquarium, just had a 30th birthday party with a big cake and lots of friends. I'll pause a moment to allow every reader whose 30th birthday paled in comparison to collect themselves.

* The new no. 1 movie in the country is Jackass' “Bad Grandpa.” Its opening was actually moved back a week so as not to conflict with the Ak-Sar-Ben coronation ball.

* A skull believed to be 1.8 million years old may lead to important discoveries about early man. The typical American reacted by saying: “How cool would it be to put a candle in its mouth and stick that thing in your window on Halloween?”

* Sen. Ted Cruz was in Des Moines Friday to deliver a speech at the GOP annual fundraising dinner. I believe the speech began at 7 p.m. on Friday and wrapped up just past 11 p.m. on Sunday.

* Gov. Terry Branstad supposedly gave Cruz an unenthusiastic introduction. “And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to bring up a man whose first and last names combined have seven letters — Ted Cruz.”

* Cruz then went pheasant hunting in Iowa. To give you an idea how frustrated the nation is with the tea party, the pheasants were shooting back.

* There was immediate concern this could cause Cruz the support of animal rights activists, only there isn't one animal rights activist who supported him in the first place.

* Leaders from all around the world sent gifts to Prince George for his christening. President Obama sent George a little toy phone with an implanted eavesdropping device.

* President Obama is going to Boston to discuss Obamacare later this week. The administration hopes the Red Sox win the World Series by then so the president can claim the ticker tape parade is being thrown by Obamacare supporters.

* Obama reportedly told Angela Merkel he didn't know we had eavesdropped on her phone conversations. Obama also reportedly didn't know about the Obamacare website glitches beforehand. We've gone from “The buck stops here” to a president who sounds like Sergeant Schultz on “Hogan's Heroes” - “I know nothing.”

* President Obama has a three-item to-do list for Congress. If you're a regular Capitol Hill watcher you immediately realize that's three items too many.

* Heavyweight boxing champion Vitali Klitschko is running for president of the Ukraine. Here's one world leader Obama isn't looking forward to telling we bugged his cellphone.

* California Gov. Jerry Brown vetoed a bill which would have allowed non citizens to serve on juries. What a mistake. Sending illegal immigrants summonses for jury duty is the only way to keep 'em out of this country.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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