Breaking Brad: Please don't dress your kid as a Hooters Girl for Halloween - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, October 24, 2013 at 10:27 am / Updated at 11:03 am
Breaking Brad: Please don't dress your kid as a Hooters Girl for Halloween

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* The low Thursday night in eastern Nebraska is predicted to be 27 degrees. Did you ever stand in your backyard in Omaha, look up at a flock of birds flying south for the winter and say, “They're the smart ones”?

* Omaha is bracing for its first hard freeze of the season. Plants will die, and grass will turn brown. The upside: The cicadas will finally shut up.

* Downtown Omaha has a new slogan: “Do! Downtown Omaha.” When you look at the street repaving, confusing road signs and mud bath that was once the Gene Leahy Mall, the slogan should be "D'oh! Downtown Omaha."

* “Do! Downtown Omaha” replaces the old slogan of downtown Omaha: “You Want How Much To Park Here?”

* The Nebraska Tourism Commission is seeking a new slogan to replace “Possibilities...endless.” Residents are invited to go to the website and suggest their own. My suggestion: "Nebraska: The Weather Doesn't Always Suck."

* The current Nebraska tourism slogan is “Possibilities...endless.” The ad agency responsible for the Obsession perfume ads said, “Too subtle.”

* Recent Nebraska tourism slogans have included “America's Frontier,” “Genuine Nebraska,” and “Come See What We're Up To Now.” This is why the state unemployment rate is so low: We've created tens of thousands of jobs for slogan writers.

* Nebraska residents are encouraged to go to our tourism website and suggest a new tourism slogan. It's confusing. I went on the tourism website and ended up accidentally signing up for Obamacare.

* The interim president of MUD is getting a pay raise from $185,551 to $210,483. Sadly, he still probably can't pay his MUD bill.

* As of 9 a.m. Thursday morning, two westbound lanes of West Dodge Road from Cass to 90th Streets are closed for three or four days. The official reason: “We haven't closed any Dodge Street lanes for over a week.”

* In Des Moines, a goat's OK after wandering into traffic. Animal control officers couldn't locate a tranquilizer gun, so to get the goat to nod off, they showed him a copy of Kirk Ferentz's offensive game plan.

* The last of the Sioux City quintuplets have gone home, along with instructions to get plenty of rest and avoid stress. That's for Dad.

* Popular Halloween costumes for kids this year include the Hooters Girl and “Baby Pimp.” It's nice to see we're keeping it classy.

* I have my Halloween costume picked out. I'll be going as an orange traffic cone.

* German Chancellor Angela Merkel confronted President Obama on the phone, demanding to know if U.S. intelligence was monitoring her cellphone calls. In the middle of the conversation, an NSA rep said: “Slow down, Angie. I can only write so fast.”

* Members of Congress were anxiously awaiting testimony Thursday from the top contractor who designed the Obamacare website. Sure, most members of Congress have never seen anyone more incompetent than themselves before.

* It's reported that the Affordable Care Act website utilizes outdated, 10-year-old computer technology. This is basically the Pacman of health-care websites.

* What kind of world is it where we can create a drone capable of delivering a missile from 200 miles that strikes within a quarter-inch of its intended target, yet we can't get a website right that will allow you to sign up for health care?

* A new poll finds about half of Americans are in favor of getting rid of every member of Congress. This leads me to the question: What's wrong with the other half of you people?

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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