Breaking Brad: Even I turned down the lead role in 'Fifty Shades of Grey' -
Published Thursday, October 24, 2013 at 1:44 pm / Updated at 2:04 pm
Breaking Brad: Even I turned down the lead role in 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* German Chancellor Angela Merkel called President Obama on Wednesday to ask if the NSA was monitoring her cellphone calls. Obama quickly cast a nervous glance at the Agency's director in the corner of the Oval Office, then said: "No, Chancellor. We are not monitoring your cellphone calls."

* Congress drilled the contractor who designed the Obamacare website Thursday. A Guinness Book of World Records rep was on hand. Between Congress and the Affordable Care Act site designer, a new record for "number of glitches in one hour" was expected.

* President Obama has launched a major fundraising push and is planning at least nine Democratic fundraisers between now and year's end. I believe this is called "Operation: Never Let a Health-Care Crisis Get In The Way of Making a Buck."

* Prince George was christened Wednesday. His seven godparents were present. ABC is planning a 90-minute special on each godparent.

* Jamie Dornan is in final negotiations to star in the "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie. The world is withholding comment until we find one person who has ever heard of Jamie Dornan.

* Actually, Dornan is a former Calvin Klein underwear model. With a resume like that, he has to be one terrific actor.

* Celebrity-for-no-good-reason Lauren Conrad is engaged. So, it sounds like In Touch magazine has found its next 26 cover stories.

* Washington State QB Connor Halliday threw an NCAA-record 89 passes against Oregon. He's expected to play on Saturday, if they get his arm sewn back on in time.

* Oklahoma WR Trey Metoyer was charged with indecent exposure. Elsewhere, 14 Oregon players were charged with indecent exposure just for wearing their uniforms in public.

* Jim Tressel is teaching a class at the University of Akron on coaching principles and ethics. Were Rick Neuheisel and Bobby Petrino unavailable?

* After Colts punter Pat McAfee delivered a big hit on a Denver kick returner, he was tested for performance-enhancers. That says a lot about the perceived athleticism of punters and kickers. “He just made a play -- better test him.”

* Jets rookie Sheldon Richardson said the NFL babies Tom Brady. The NFL will have no comment until it finalizes plans to fine Ndamukong Suh $40,000 for giving Brady “a dirty look.”

Also from Brad: Please don't dress your kid as a Hooters girl for Halloween

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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The Arizona Diamondbacks have a new concession item: a $25 corn dog. For that kind of money, it should be stuffed with Bitcoin.
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