Breaking Brad: Bartender, pour me some Obamacare, please - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 10:40 am / Updated at 11:37 am
Breaking Brad: Bartender, pour me some Obamacare, please

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Downtown Omaha has a new slogan, which was a shock to those who live and work downtown and had no idea downtown Omaha had an old slogan.

* The new slogan is “Do! Downtown Omaha.” I believe second place was “Wait... what?”

* Signs bearing the slogan are going up in the hope that people who work downtown will pay attention to them. People who work downtown don't even pay attention to “walk” and “don't walk.”

* When a man in Minnesota was charging his e-cigarette, it exploded “like a firework.” You think e-cigarettes were becoming popular in Omaha before, wait until folks hear they can double as a firework.

* A two-man explorer team is walking 1,800 miles across Antarctica. The goal is obviously to simulate the morning winter commute in Omaha with all the road construction.

* The new, hot Halloween costume this year is Miley Cyrus. What's that, two postage stamps and some twine?

* About $330 million will be spent by Americans on Halloween costumes for pets. This makes the $700 million we dropped prepping for a zombie invasion look like money well spent.

* Some conservatives are backing Sen. Ted Cruz for president. The biggest problem with a Ted Cruz presidency? The 17-hour State of the Union speeches.

* A new ad designed to get college-aged guys to sign up for Obamacare features three young men, one of whom is doing a handstand on a beer keg. There's now a fine line between the Affordable Care Act and the Redneck Games.

* The ad is targeted at “keg-loving college guys” and asks “Got brosurance?” What next? All the members of the Obama cabinet, shirtless, with “Affordable Care Act” spelled across their chests?

* Nine out of 10 Americans see the ad with the guy doing a handstand on a beer keg and mistake it for Democratic members of Congress debating sequestration.

* The federal government has contracted Verizon, according to a USA Today report, to help fix the federal health insurance exchange, which will henceforth be known as the “Can you hear me now?” exchange.

* Verizon will help the federal government. I think the only thing that can make the federal government look worse is to bring in a cellphone company.

* This means once you finally sign up for a policy, you won't be able to get out of it for 15 years.

* HealthCare.Gov's glitches continue. One guy logged on to try to sign up for Obamacare and ended up with a date on Match.com.

* A new website, DrunkDialCongress.org, allows you to drunk-dial direct to Congress for a fee. It's hard to believe, but just a couple of years ago, this was the greatest country in the world.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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