Breaking Brad: Bartender, pour me some Obamacare, please -
Published Wednesday, October 23, 2013 at 10:40 am / Updated at 11:37 am
Breaking Brad: Bartender, pour me some Obamacare, please

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Downtown Omaha has a new slogan, which was a shock to those who live and work downtown and had no idea downtown Omaha had an old slogan.

* The new slogan is “Do! Downtown Omaha.” I believe second place was “Wait... what?”

* Signs bearing the slogan are going up in the hope that people who work downtown will pay attention to them. People who work downtown don't even pay attention to “walk” and “don't walk.”

* When a man in Minnesota was charging his e-cigarette, it exploded “like a firework.” You think e-cigarettes were becoming popular in Omaha before, wait until folks hear they can double as a firework.

* A two-man explorer team is walking 1,800 miles across Antarctica. The goal is obviously to simulate the morning winter commute in Omaha with all the road construction.

* The new, hot Halloween costume this year is Miley Cyrus. What's that, two postage stamps and some twine?

* About $330 million will be spent by Americans on Halloween costumes for pets. This makes the $700 million we dropped prepping for a zombie invasion look like money well spent.

* Some conservatives are backing Sen. Ted Cruz for president. The biggest problem with a Ted Cruz presidency? The 17-hour State of the Union speeches.

* A new ad designed to get college-aged guys to sign up for Obamacare features three young men, one of whom is doing a handstand on a beer keg. There's now a fine line between the Affordable Care Act and the Redneck Games.

* The ad is targeted at “keg-loving college guys” and asks “Got brosurance?” What next? All the members of the Obama cabinet, shirtless, with “Affordable Care Act” spelled across their chests?

* Nine out of 10 Americans see the ad with the guy doing a handstand on a beer keg and mistake it for Democratic members of Congress debating sequestration.

* The federal government has contracted Verizon, according to a USA Today report, to help fix the federal health insurance exchange, which will henceforth be known as the “Can you hear me now?” exchange.

* Verizon will help the federal government. I think the only thing that can make the federal government look worse is to bring in a cellphone company.

* This means once you finally sign up for a policy, you won't be able to get out of it for 15 years.

* HealthCare.Gov's glitches continue. One guy logged on to try to sign up for Obamacare and ended up with a date on

* A new website,, allows you to drunk-dial direct to Congress for a fee. It's hard to believe, but just a couple of years ago, this was the greatest country in the world.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Cause of Omaha power outage along Regency Parkway unclear
Ben Sasse, Shane Osborn try to pin label of D.C. insider on each other
After decades looking in, Republican Dan Frei seeks chance to take action
6-mile stretch of U.S. Highway 75 is road less traveled
Curious about government salaries? Look no further
Metro transit recommends streetcar, rapid-transit bus line for Omaha
Easter Sunday temperatures climb into 80s in Omaha area
Omaha police investigate two nonfatal shootings
City Council to vote on adding Bluffs pedestrian safety lights
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Midlands runners ready for Boston Marathon
Families from area shelters treated to meal at Old Chicago
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
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