Breaking Brad: It's not cheap to find a sugar daddy these days - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, October 22, 2013 at 10:42 am / Updated at 11:10 am
Breaking Brad: It's not cheap to find a sugar daddy these days

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* An Omaha public relations consultant and her national company have declared Tuesday to be Snark Free Day. OK, that means no Breaking Brad column. I'll see you Wednesday.

* According to a World-Herald article, Mayor Stothert may not continue efforts by her predecessor to make Omaha increasingly bike-friendly. Bike-friendly? How about we start by making this city car-friendly?

* Nebraska State Sen. Scott Lautenbaugh proposed that third graders be able to read or else be held back. Read? What do kids read anymore? If they can text at a third-grade level, send them on to fourth grade.

* Archeologists in Great Britain uncovered a 900-year-old mansion. It looks like something you'd find in the newer part of Dundee.

* In Iowa City, a man whose last name is “Fudge” has been charged with stealing ice cream. I wonder if when the cops caught up to him, they yelled “Freeze!”

* Over the weekend, Benson hosted a "zombie walk." Because it's Benson, by the time the “zombies” got back to their starting point, there were eight new bars and five new restaurants.

* According to a new study, protons can live for one quintillion years. To put it in perspective, one quintillion years is how long the average Omaha street widening takes to complete.

* It's believed the recently discovered new planet, Gliese 1214b, has a water-rich atmosphere. It was first learned there's water on Gliese 1214b when MUD tried to send 'em a bill.

* This is interesting. Two hours after it was discovered there's water on the planet, nine Scooters opened on Gliese 1214b.

* I saw an online article titled “What To Know Before Dressing Your Pet Up For Halloween.” Well, I think the first thing you should know is, THE PETS HATE IT.

* Halloween is right around the corner. I have my costume picked out. I'll be going as “a nonessential federal government employee.”

* A 20-year-old Omaha woman went to police claiming she was defrauded of almost $5,000 after visiting a site for women looking for sugar daddies. Is nothing sacred these days? There are even charlatans involved in the sugar daddy industry!

* President Obama appeared with several Americans on Monday who have successfully navigated the Obamacare website. You know the technical term for these Americans? “Computer geniuses.”

* There's a new, more effective way of signing up for Obamacare. Forget the website. Instead, simply type “I desire health care” in the body of an email, send it to yourself, NSA spy technology will read the email and enroll you in a suitable plan.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

U.S. Senate candidate Bart McLeay trails his 3 GOP rivals in fundraising
86-year-old Holdrege man killed in weekend collision
New police gang intervention specialist knows firsthand about getting involved with wrong crowd
Teen who worked as a cook is killed in shooting at Benson's Gallagher Park
Finally. Spring expected to return. No, really: Warmer-than-average weather in forecast
Four, including Omahan, vie for police chief position in Council Bluffs
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
In TV ad, Shane Osborn says Ben Sasse 'beholden to Washington'
City Council OKs redevelopment plan for north downtown project
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Home alone: When burglar broke in, 12-year-old locked herself in bathroom, called 911
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Ben Sasse raises more money than U.S. Senate foes Shane Osborn and Sid Dinsdale
Sweet deal on suite use has MECA board looking at written rules
Inmate accused of partially tearing off another's testicles charged with assault
Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
Lawyer: Man had right to hand out religious fliers outside Pinnacle Bank Arena
Firefighters put out duplex blaze in N.W. Omaha
Coffee with a Cop set for Thursday in Benson
Douglas County offices accepting credit, debit cards
Parched Omaha soil soaks up record precipitation
Engineering student harnesses girl power, starts engineering-science club at Gomez Elementary
WB Dodge Street lane closed
Ex-Omaha Mayor Hal Daub endorses Shane Osborn for U.S. Senate seat
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COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
Breaking Brad: Next year, Bo Pelini brings a mountain lion to the spring game
Before the spring game, Bo Pelini carried a cat onto the field. With Bo's personality, it'd have been more appropriate for him to carry a mountain lion.
Breaking Brad: Bo Pelini's cat lets spring game intro go to its head
Coach Bo Pelini took the field before the spring game holding a cat aloft. Typical cat. He was undoubtedly thinking, “Sixty thousand people, all cheering for me!”
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